Comments on: Does He Love Me? Does She? Signs He or She Loves You

By: Alisha

Alisha — Thu, 27 Oct 2011 03:07:42 +0000

I have male male friend which have known him for nearly 22 years and both of us married already. Recently, we keep texting each other & out of blues, I fall for him and confront to him but he advise me to take it slowly because we live in a small country where peoples easily knows. SO now, when i ask him if he doesn’t want me to fall deeper for him, i want him to tell me but he didn’t say anything. I already have informed him that i will let go my feelings towards him cz i don’t want my good relationship ruin due to my stupidness. I know its wrong since i have husband but i cant control it. he is very nice/caring guy which maybe of that i fall for him. Now, my heart hurt & what shall i do now. pls advise. Thanks.

RESPONSE: The water is greener where you water it, not on another pasture. You can control yourself and you should consider the selfishness that is consuming you.

By: crystal

crystal — Tue, 12 Apr 2011 14:26:32 +0000

Hi Jon,
Nice ideas.. I always read your daily newsletters. I had a friend we were once close to each other and i knew he cared about me because even when he went away abroad for studies he still kept in touch.He always said he cares.we are still separated for 4years now we haven’t seen each other.the communication gets fainter n now he barely call n reply just when i write.except for my birthday anniversary when he willingly sends me a mail…i often ask myself if its because he knows i love him dearly (even though we didnt sleep with each other)he says he cares but hadly writes nor call.anyway i asked him if he wants to guit being good friends, because the writing on the wall is so clear,but he hasn’t responded to that email until now.
I hope i made the right decision by stopping the communication!!
Crystal

RESPONSE: Well one way to prevent communication is by submitting an email address to us that is inaccurate. With regards to your comments, (1st paragraph), I will suggest to you that if someone loves you they will show it in their actions. If a man wants to pursue a relationship he will do so in a manner that should be quite obvious, and attempting to communicate in a regular fashion would be a prerequisite. God has someone for you, and the closer you get to God, the closer you will get to the Godly man God has intended for you.

By: Joy

Joy — Sun, 28 Nov 2010 22:31:36 +0000

Well, your article answered my question. For over a year, almost 2, I’ve been with a guy who I thought loved me. I always told him he were my best friend, but he said it weren’t possible for lovers to be friends. He eventually abused me and I had to fight back. Then he willingly, without a ton of thought or effort, moved out and back to the state he moved from to be with me, which is 1900 miles away. That was the only thing he did that showed me (what I thought) was love. He was mean to my 5 year old and blamed my kid for it all. But he never really showed he cared by helping me when i was sick, or taking care of me when I was sore, never really wanted to spend time with me. He spent hours a day on the computer when he wasn’t at work. Then he lost his job and spent even MORE hours on the computer. He claimed it helped him forget about missing his family. Yeah right, he just didn’t care about me. Now that he moved back, we never broke up, but we are trying the long distance thing, again. It’s failing. He never has time for me, never texts, never Calls. He says he’s sorry he has a life, he’s sorry that he can’t help me. He tells me it’s not his problem to deal with and he’s trying to force me to move back East with him, 1900 miles away from my family, the only family my kids know. His family never bothered to come visit his first born son, my (as I’m writing this) 8 month old son. They promised to be there when he was born because it was a scheduled c-section (doctors orders) and they never bothered. I guess it’s time for me to let go and move on. Thanks for the article!

COMMENT: Sadly many men know what they want, sex, but they do not know how to love, even though they think they do. Love does not focus on itself. “I love you” is an EXTERNAL expression, that should be followed up with EXTERNAL actions. Now you too made some mistakes that you need to take ownership of; first and foremost, you should not give yourself away before marriage. If a guy loves you, let him show you in actions with a ring, and the follow through of matrimony. In the future take the time to build a foundation of friendship and keep sex out of the equation until after the wedding.

By: Kerian

Kerian — Sat, 21 Aug 2010 09:11:13 +0000

I am trying to find the answer for my personal relationship. I recently wrote a blog on it. My boyfriend cares a lot for me but I am not convinced it is love.

By: Andrew

Andrew — Sat, 12 Jun 2010 09:01:19 +0000

Wow! Great article. I now know that she loves me. What she does tells it all. It is really true, words speak louder than words. Thanks!

By: sam

sam — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 18:41:49 +0000

i’ve been in a complicated relationship with this guy for about half a year now. we’ve known each other for 3 years already, but only became close a few months ago. he’s very sweet to me and he does alot of things for me, which led me to believe that he likes me. he would always be around for me when i’m sad, cook for me, take care of me, and whenever we’re in a big group, he will always be by my side and give all his attention to me. as a result, i allowed myself to fall in love with him.

the thing is, a few months passed and while we continued being friends, things started becoming more complicated cos he started to do things like hold my hand and putting his arm around my waist or shoulder when we walk beside each other. i let him do it cos i like him, and i thought it was mutual. but i kept waiting for him to tell me, to say something about how he feels.. and he never did.

in the end, i was tired of waiting. we were in a very ambiguous relationship cos many of our mutual friends thought that we were already a couple since we acted like we were. even i felt like we were in a relationship just that we didnt make it official. so i confronted him one day and asked him what he intended to do about our relationship.

he gave me an answer which really hurt me. he said that while he was sure that he enjoyed being with me and that he feels something special for me, he’s not sure if what he feels for me is love. he said that he’s not ready to commit to a relationship with me cos while he is happy whenever he’s with me, he thinks that a “special spark” is missing in what he feels for me. he said that he used to love this girl some years ago, and even though he has gotten over it now, he claimed that what he felt for her felt like love, cos there was really the “head-over-heels” emotions, whereas for me, he cannot figure out if its love cos it seems to be lacking a “special spark”. yet he continually claims that he really enjoys spending time with me, and there is something special about our interaction, about me, that he does not feel with other girls/people. so he cant decide if its love, and thus is unwilling to make a commitment. (he also admits that this is partially cos he’s a commitment-phobic but also says that if i’m the right girl, he’s definitely willing to make the commitment. the problem is he cant figure out if i’m the right one for him.)

so the conclusion was that he asked me to give him more time to sort his feelings out, and meanwhile we just remain as good friends first. i’m just wondering, should i give him more time? and if so, how much time is considered enough? should we set a deadline, or should i give him as much as time as he requires until he’s ready to make a decision? but if so, wont i be waiting for his answer indefinitely?

to be honest, i was pretty hurt by what he told me, cos i felt that he led me on right from the start. if he wasnt so sweet and nice to me, i wouldnt really have started liking him. but now that i do, i’m worried that i’ll be hurt further if i give him more time, but in the end, he still tells me that he’s not willing to commit and be with me. yet another part of me feels like i should give him/us a chance, especially cos he is honestly very sweet to me (much more than i am to him even though apparently i like him more than he likes me).

i also wonder, can love be nurtured? if love can be slowly developed, then perhaps giving him more time will help him to be sure of his love for me. but if you only have “special feelings”/sparks for the right one and no one else, then it might not be of any use for me to give him more time, since the sparks will not just appear between us as we’ve already known each other for so long? thanks for any help or advice!

COMMENT: His previous “hurt” may have something to do with this. But if he is always right by your side, giving you attention, helping you out, being your friend…….that sounds more like what a relationship should develop from, from friendship, not from romance and sex etc. If he enjoys your companionship and you he, that sounds like something in the making, why do you need to rush love? Love does not insist on it’s own way. It sounds like you may have something precious in developement, something most people miss in their relationships……the joy of true friendship.

By: me...

me... — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 03:29:33 +0000

hi, well heres my situation…
i am in love with this girl. i know i am. she taught what that love was. but the problem is that she has a boyfriend. her boyfriends is in a different state. he comes down here just on a couple of occasions. and well its been a while and me and her have come closer. and i jut keep falling for her more deeply. and now i am faced with these feelings that i cant deny. and as we drew closer she became like my best friend and she says that i am like her best friend. she really tells me mostly everything. so it we came across it once and i know she has feeling for me too. but she is attached to her boyfriend. she really does love the guy. and well im always here. and im always there for her. and her and her boyfriend have problems…i know.. and i really just want her to be happy and that guy just doesnt seem to be the one to be able to do that. i want her so badly. i dont know what to do. me and her have gone over this… and we always end up as just friends…i want so much more…we really are super close. i feel like she is my girl sometimes but she ..she just isnt and it kills me….im with her all the time… the world tell me that we look like a great couple and ask us how if were going out… we say no…and this is not because ppl say it but because i want it so bad… wat do i do? i am so lost….she really is the only one i want…shes perfect..

Question: What is love?

By: Aimi

Aimi — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 15:21:04 +0000

ok…so this is quite complicated..
up to last june i used to like this one guy that is 2 years older then me and then there was this guy in my class that was always nice to me and helped me and everything. i got close to that guy from my class and he always tried to make me forget the other guy. which i did…and i fell in love with the one from my class. he is very shy but he does things..he held my hand a couple of time when we were in school and near crowds..on august he told me he loves me. and i do love him and he was so perfect saying all the right stuff and just the kind of stuff that is perfect for me. i love him so very much and i believe he loves me too.. but..(of course there’s a but…)
there’s this girl that was my friend last year and she moved into our class this year. believing she’s my friend i introduced her to my friends (including him) and now she’s part of our “group” (for lack of a better term)and everything seemed fine. but she knew that i love that guy and he loves me and yet she keeps getting in the way!! she always talks about sex near him and sometimes she takes it alittle too far..but she KNOWS and i dont understand why she does that. also she always plays it innocent like she did nothing trying to make me seem as the jealous bad type…. sure i am jealous but within reason!! she can’t do that and its so frasturating cause i dont know what to do about it!!! i cant tell him to get away from her and i cant be mean or evil to her because supposedly she’s my friend. i also can tell him how much im jealous cause, well jealousy isn’t a good quality now is it? what do i do? thanks!

Answer: Nobody can make your choices for you, but we can give opinions that you can take into consideration. It really sounds like this girl is trying to temp your guy friends hormones, and she really does not sound like much of a friend to either of you…….(Based solely upon what you have stated). If the guy falls for it, then you did not want him anyway. She could actually be helping you out here, it could be viewed as a test for him, and if he falls into the trap, then you know more about him. Don’t give yourself away to compete with this masquerade, it’s not worth losing your self respect. Besides you would find another infatuation in short time.

By: sky

sky — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 03:19:01 +0000

Thank God for all these messages and experiences published on this site. This is a great site and it gives reasonable advises. It's really true most of the times words are cheap and actions speaks louder. I have this friend who was in love with a guy for almost three years. they were more like friends and she already made her feelings known to him. he said he too ''cares'' for her but because of distance and other responsibilities he cant keep a relationship with her. she was the one who emailed him or called him most of the time. all he ever said was ''am so busy'' but ''i appreciate your calls and i like us to still be friends, please keep in touch''. what dung. he wanted a physical relationship, to be close and get to know her ''better''. but she believed it doesn't matter the distance,when two hearts are in harmony anything is possible. so she finally let go. his words contradicted his actions. that was a good enough reason to quit... Question: Is the friend you speak of really you? You sound so profoundly effected by this experience.

By: jeny

jeny — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 05:56:35 +0000

i and my guy studied together in school. so we know each other from then.when in college, he proposed me.he was a good friend to me and since he was from a similar background as mine, i thought this might work and i said yes.from the second week, things were wrong.i found that he was always on phone with other gals and we always had fights about it. but i had fallen in love with him so deeply that i couldnt move away from him. then one day he came and told me he has some heart problem.i informed his family that and when he came to know it, he broke up with me saying i lost his trust since i did things behind him.i was shattered and for an year we had no contacts. i was almost recovered from it when his mother passed away and his father informed me that and i called him just to express my condolences. he started messaging and calling me. and we got back to old state and i started loving him again so deeply.he said he wanted to marry me. i slept with him when he asked me to. i trusted him and all his promises.then again i found him back with his phone and girlfriends. flirting with them.and once we had sex and the next day i saw a message in his phone to another gal dat he slept with me and that he wished it was dat gal instead of me. i felt so hurt.when i asked him about it,he said he was just joking and i am not understanding him. he broke up with me again after that without any reason. when his mom passed away,i used to speak to his father and comfort him which he never liked.but morally i felt it right so i used to talk. and after another year he broke up with me second time,he used to stil want to sleep with me and i let him because he is the only person i hav loved so deeply and the only person i have slept with.i thought he might love me again and want me again. but he never tried to patch up the relationship.but he wants me to be there for him,to cook and feed him, to take care of him and to sleep with him.he wants me to do all duties of a wife a mother and a friend. but he doesnt want to marry me.he says he loves me. he swore on his dead mother that he doesnt flirt with anyone anymore. and i knfeelder is something in his mind that he is not sharing with me. do u think he is genuine? does he really love me? what should i do? i really love him but i dont want to be hurt anymore so i am forcing myself to get over him. and i also dont want to be with him if he is gonna be the same way as before.

Answer: We all make mistakes, sometimes our emotions take over our brains and we do things that we would be better off not doing. Love is a commitment, is someone loves you they will commit to you in marriage. Many guys tell ladies what they want to hear in order to get what they physically want from them. We all live and learn, next time let the man show you he loves you first, with a ring, a wedding date, and don’t give yourself away until you have actually been married.