You have heard the phrase that the grass is always greener on the other side. Generally speaking, in most cases, the grass is always greener where you water it. See if the grass in your relationship has turned brown, it’s probably in need of water. Yes, you could give up and look for greener pastures elsewhere, however you will most likely find, that after some time, that you are right back where you were a year ago with the burnt grass. The key to your greener grass is not usually found in the process of looking outwardly.
See, generally speaking, the issues that you had within the previous relationship will only show up again in your new relationship. The grass starts off green, but then withers away for some reason. You need to resolve the reason, the issue, not by way of looking for a new relationship, that does not work most of the time. Many times the issue only resurfaces because the issue is not on the other side to begin with. It’s easy to point the finger at the other person and put all the blame on them, but what happens when you come to the realization that the issue is at least partly on your side of the tracks?
How much time do you really want to waste in order to obtain resolve in your marriage or relationships? Now, it is true that in some relationships, because others won’t humble themselves, that it’s difficult to make headway. However, you really need to ask yourself; how humble are you being? Is it possible that there are some area’s that you could improve in that would benefit your relationship? For instance, if you had a better understanding of where the other person is at, or how they feel, don’t you think it might change your perspective? Sometimes we need to re-adjust our focus, taking the focus off of the negatives that we perceive on the other side, and looking at what we can actually do ourselves. If you are not married and having relationship issues, maybe it has to do with the kind of people you are attracting, or perhaps the kind of people you are attracted to from an emotional standpoint.
See often times it is the deep things within you that actually influence your everyday decisions, your interactions, and your connections to others. Have you ever wondered why some people end up in the same kind of dysfunctional relationships time and time again? It has something to do with them, and it may have something to do with some things they went through as children. What about people who are insecure, overly jealous all the time? It may be because they have been hurt by someone in the past, perhaps someone looking for greener grass cheated on them, and so that old issue comes up and relives itself in the present. See sometimes we are not so aware of ourselves as we need to be.
When we become more aware of the things that set us off, we will have a better understanding of the things that set others off. There are many people who have been hurt in relationships and they are afraid of being hurt in new ones, so they avoid them. The fact that they are fearful and avoiding says that they have some unresolved emotional things that are holding them at bay. Those unresolved emotional things tell them that it’s going to be the same as it was before, when that is not necessarily true. In a new relationship, their fear of re-occurrence would come up and poison it. Case in point; a person that has been previously cheated on might be overly watchful, overly protective, controlling, and they may perceive a handshake or a friendly hug as something with deeper intentions and cause an unnecessary argument over it. Then because of their own previous pain, and unwillingness to see it, they place the full blame on the other person. Of course, then there are those who have a knack for finding unfaithful relationships repeatedly, and those who are unfaithful.
We all need to learn to be on the lookout for our own personal constraints, those things that hinder us and that can bring discord into our own relationships. We need to fess up to ourselves that we might be overly sensitive to some things that have nothing to do with our partners, when they are actually broken pieces within us. We need to first consider that our greener grass begins within us, and not with the other person. Sure, the other person probably has some imperfections, just like you, but they need to look at their own grass, you can’t do that for them. If you begin by your own character development, and by your own pain acceptance, your actions might just rub off on others. The best way to lead to the greener grass, is to take the lead yourself.
See we first need to get insights into ourselves, into our emotions, into the deep parts of us that effect and often times infect our marriages and relationships. Sometimes people might need to ask themselves; why am I being so controlling? That answer is that you are insecure, so why are you insecure? Does it have something to do with some insecurity you experienced as a child? Could it be because you do not feel worthy of retaining affection? Have you not obtained the necessary affirmation of worth, of value, of significance some where in your past? Have there been those who have always attempted to make you to feel less than them? Understand that those who downplay you are often attempting to up play themselves, because they see you at a higher level than them, so they want to bring you down to their level. Or perhaps you are the one who does the downplaying, because you do not feel secure enough in yourself to come out of your safety zone.
Start by realizing that you matter, you are unique, one of a kind, and you were brought into this world by a loving God who formed you in the darkness of your mothers womb. You are important to Him, you are a child of Gods, your true source of identity comes from the creator himself. You will not find your identity in the opinions of other people, they do not know you like God knows you. God formed you to love you, to have a relationship with you, and to be an example of His love to others. Hold your head up, know you are special, and with your head up you can overcome whatever blemishes you may have, because God knows your imperfect, and He still loves you just the same. It is so much easier to deal with your weak spots when you know how much God thinks of you, you can let down your protective shield, and overcome the things that constrict you and hinder your relationships. Your greener grass begins with you.
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