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      Not In Love With You Anymore, My Feelings Are Gone

      By Guide

      So you’ve lost that loving feeling, it’s gone, gone, gone. Or perhaps your husband or wife says that they are no longer in love with you. Maybe they say this popular line; I love you, but I’m not in love with you anymore. I know it can hurt to hear that, and I know some people hurt when they say that. Husbands and wives get too familiar with each other sometimes and loose appreciation for the love of one another. Other times, they may say that they are not in love with you any more because of some pain or hurt they feel that you caused them. Have you ever noticed how quickly a partner stops saying I love you, when they are angry or upset with you? That kind of love could be referred to as light switch love, here one minute gone the next, or perhaps gone with the wind love.

      There are going to be some people who read this who are going to have this irritation in their heart when they read this. That is because they are resisting the truth and do not want to be honest with themselves. It is better to have the truth, than to wander around aimlessly in the dark, thinking that you have got things all figured out. Let’s say that your wife says; "I love you, but I’m no longer in love with you." That comment in itself could be a bit contradictory, for your wife to say I love you, and then drop a bomb on you like that lacks love. What most wives would probably be saying, not understanding real love or miscommunicating; is I do not have any feelings for you anymore. See many people associate love with emotional feelings alone, the actions of love will rise emotional feelings. When someone does something loving for you it feels good right? You can feel the love that is shown to you right? That is a response to love, it’s the actions that bring the feelings, but it’s actions coming from another that generate those feelings.

      It is quite possible that because a partner is harboring some ill, unforgiven feelings that they are blocking the love themselves. You know……you hurt me, so I don’t have feelings for you anymore, and therefore I am not in love with you, but…..but….but, wait a minute, I do love you. Not! That couldn’t be further from the truth, love is not something that waits to be fulfilled, it does not seek itself. Lots of people are confused about this love thing, many are so stuck on themselves that they think love is only what others do for them. A relationship is two people loving each other, not one person making the other feel giddy. Besides, love overlooks offenses, love is forgiving, love says; "It does not matter what my FEELINGS are right now, I am going to love anyway." See at the foundation, love is a choice YOU make. You do not have to wait on the other person to rise up your feelings in order for you to love them.

      If you are the one saying that "I’m not in love with you anymore," perhaps you have some things to ponder over. Like, why do you say that? Ask yourself that question, you need to obtain the answer to gain inner resolve. You need to understand what it is in you that causes you to shut down your love towards the other person, remember the light switch? Just because your feelings are not bubbling over with champagne dreams, does not change the fact that love is an act made by choice. Could it be that you are being selfish, solely focusing on yourself?

      Did your love leave the building? Did it all get drained down past your toes or are you unable to move past your own pain? Sure, you could go get a fresh new relationship, but in most cases, (other than abusive relationships), you are going to find yourself right back at start in short order. If you are harboring some pain that is causing you to block love from your relationship, then, (in most cases), you are the problem. So what if your husband forgot to call you at exactly 4:03pm, but instead he called you at 4:07pm, get over it. Sometimes the beans end up all over the floor, you clean them up and move on. Wives, your husband is not perfect, are you just now focusing on his imperfections? Did you forget all the things that you said you loved about him? Husbands, your wife is not perfect, cut her some slack, besides it may be you that needs to be showing her some love for a change?

      Are you waiting for your feelings to get jump started in order to be in love again? What could be stopping you from initiating love and getting something rolling yourself? Take the focus off of yourself and look to intently show your husband, wife, or partner some love. See love does not focus on itself, besides you might find that in doing something from your side of the tracks, that it will change things on the other side of the tracks. Remember that feelings respond to acts of love, so give your partner something to respond to! Then everybody’s feelings will be saying; "I’m in love with you". That’s how YOU bring back that loving feeling!

      When His, or Her Emotional Needs Are Not Being Met >>

       


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      Topics: Feelings and Emotions | 13 Comments »

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      13 Responses to “Not In Love With You Anymore, My Feelings Are Gone”

      Pages: [2] 1 » Show All

      1. 13
        Jen Says:

        I met my boyfriend 4 years ago, we are both in our 50s and have come out of long term relationships, he was married for 14 years before his wife had an affair and left him, and I was with my ex for 28 years. My boyfriend has 4 grown up children and I have 3, my own children hate him as he is constantly mean to me, although claims to love me. 2 years into the relationship he moved to another city 3 hours away and bit by bit I have got used to being without him. He appears randomly at weekends and my heart sinks, when I used to get butterflies. He doesnt seem to accept the relationship has run its course and to be honest he seems obsessed with me. Part of me is angry as he chose to move to another town and this in turn started the ripples between us. I have a good job, loving family and lots of friends, he was once my lover and best friend but we have grown apart. He says I am still his ‘all’ and refuses to give up. How can I end this without causing him more pain.

        COMMENT: I would suggest you first consider the safety of yourself & your children. Does he have keys to your home? You might consider changing the locks. Emotional pain in a breakup is unavoidable. You might consider using the phone and being as gentle as possible, and perhaps having a friend with you during this time.

      2. 12
        Samantha Says:

        I have a wonderful fiancé. We dated for 2 years. I never had a problem with him. He is always funny, spontaneously surprises me, takes me out always, showers me with gifts. He is established. He doesn’t come from a rich background but he was able to work hard and make himself established as a Software Engineer.
        Soon I will be married to him (however, I see my parents aren’t so happy with him. They are constantly criticizing him to me. Perhaps its because I didn’t select an arranged marriage. I come from an Indian background). They wished I chose someone extremely established, tall, handsome etc etc.
        I never had issues with his features. However lately, my parents’ words are getting to me while they are complaining ‘he isn’t tall enough, he isn’t handsome enough. He isn’t a doctor like you are.’ (typical indian wedding drama).
        My mom always telling me “look, all men can love a woman. You deserve better. You deserve a richer life” etc etc
        I mean I will be a doctor soon. I was never looking forward to get a RICH MAN. I always craved someone who calmed me down and loved me.
        I never had any problems with him last 2 years till this time. Im wondering about this all the time. I can’t seem to focus on my rotations. Im thinking if I really do love him or is this a temporary ‘brainwash’ thing that my parents have done so Im thinking TWICE about making marriage decision (also i have been acting really rude and mean toward him due to this stupid stress). Looks never mattered to me. I never wondered about these things TIL my parents brought it up.

        And now recently on top of all this, I recalled my very first love (I had a 5 year relationship where my bf broke my heart while cheating on me). Perhaps I am still shattered to the point I feel like I have the lack of ability to love or be in love.

        I loved your writing by the way. its wonderful. My fiancé has always made me happy, I feel I should stick to him. And perhaps show more love to him. If you have any suggestion please respond.

        REPLY: A successful relationship or marriage is dependent on loving one another. Love does not have height, career level, or dollar amounts attached to it. You are richer if you love someone, not if you marry a bank account.

      3. 11
        Angela Says:

        What if there was no love from the beginning but got married anyway? I know we should not have gotten married. Husband is very giving and supportive, but I cannot bring myself to love him intimately, because he was/is not my type and I am very visual when it comes to opposite sex. This may seem shallow, but it is important that I feel some attraction in our relationship. I get depressed and very lonely. I respect my husband and we never argue, but just cannot bring myself to be intimate with him. Any advice is humbly received even if it is constructive criticism. Thank you.

        REPLY: So why did you get married? If not for love, then you must have had another reason, right? You knew what you were doing when you married, you knew what part you would play in the relationship. You say that you get depressed and very lonely, why do you suppose that is? Could it have something to do with the way you shut your husband out? You may be looking for someone to tell you it’s ok to leave him or to not be intimate with him, but that will not be found here. I will give it to you biblically;

        The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 1Corinthians 7:4-5

      Pages: [2] 1 » Show All

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