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      Deep Feelings, Thoughts And Feelings In Relationships

      By Guide

      Have you ever heard someone equate your feelings to an ocean of emotions? That is because you have deep feelings that you may or may not be aware of. These deep feelings hinge on a thermocline layer that are about 10 percent away from the bottom. Your deep feelings straddle the area between your consciousness and your sub consciousness. In some aspects you might refer to these deep feelings as emotional residue, as they may come up at any time and effect you, your thoughts, your judgment, and or your relationships.

      Often times we are unaware how our emotional residue impacts our thoughts, decisions, and behaviors. When we gain understanding of ourselves, we access areas in the depths that are prone to be hindrances. Many of our poor reactions to situations, circumstances, and or verbal communications stem from the deep areas within us that we are not necessarily consciously aware of. It's the emotions down deep that we don't see, that hinder us the most.

      The average human eye can see about 25 miles down the oceans horizon. That is quite some distance, however it is along the surface of the ocean, not downward into it's depths. Now if you were to put on a pair of goggles and put your face into the water looking down in an area that is a thousand feet deep, how far do you think you would see? Do you think you would see the bottom?

      Everybody has some "deep feelings" that effect how they treat others that they are not aware of. Looking into your depths can be like looking at the illustration to the left. Do you see the area of dark blue where it meets the black area? It's on that line where your deep feelings reside. Now consider yourself looking downward from the surface, you are going to have a difficult time seeing this area with your surface vision.
      The key here is to recognize your feelings when they come up, somewhat like a bubble that floats up off of the ocean floor. You need to recognize and understand the source of that feeling before you let it burst your bubble.

      You could reference the white and turquoise area of the image above as your waken consciousness, the area that you can see. So as the feelings come up, they become clearer as they get closer to the light. As an example let's say you have a tendency to think that things are not going to get better because you have memories, associated feelings, and thoughts that say things are just not going to work out. You feel as if what is happening is just more of the same old ways, that will give you the same old outcomes as they always have. Your past memories contribute to your feelings of defeat and doubt before anything has happened rendering your opportunity defeated because you did not see the bubble, those old feelings that came up in the midst of your opportunity. What you need to do is to look at where those feelings came from, why those feelings are still there, and then how you can let them go. Chances are those feelings came from some area of disappointment where something did not work out the way you had hoped. Consider that life is not a broken record playing the same outcome every time, it's only your feelings and associated thoughts that are playing that repeated outcome.

      Now let's look at another possible situation that is more along relational aspects. You are a women and you have met a guy, or are in a relationship with a man that you really like. He seems like he is all that and a tub of macaroni. But you have these fearful thoughts, and feelings of doubt, because of some past hurtful memories where a boyfriend or spouse has cheated on you. Your old feelings come up and tell you that this is going to be the same as it was last time, and then your fearful feelings cause you to act jealous and insecure. Your insecure and jealous actions prod and poke at the guy as if he was the guy who hurt you in the past. You damage the relationship due to your own past feelings by being a control freak or by being overly possessive. Those feelings come up and you think you see things that do not exist. Perhaps the guy gets a phone call from his sister, you can hear a woman's voice, and you automatically start thinking that "it's the other woman". Your old feelings bubble up and overcome you, and due to that, you suffocate the relationship with sirens and barbed wire fences.

      It's true that men and women do cheat on their spouses or boyfriends, and it is wise to get a good view of someone's character as you develop a relationship. However, if you let those old unforgiven feelings come up from the deep and dismantle things in the early stages, you may miss out on something very special. Why do you have doubts about a relationship? Check your feelings. Why do you have doubts about getting the job you always wanted? Check your feelings. Why do you have negative thoughts that come up with the worst possible outcomes? Check your feelings. Why do you think and act defeated before you get to the starting block? Check you feelings. Why do you react to your husband or wife the way you do? Yeah, check your deep feelings. Why do you get angry easily? Why do you have a hard time controlling your emotions and your emotional reactions?

      Why don't people look at their deep feelings? Because they feel they will uncover a hurt that they don't want to deal with. Many people will say that it's buried down deep, so let's leave it there. The problem is that it comes up, like a bubble, and affects them, their decisions, choices, and outcomes because burying a pain does not bring resolve. Healing comes at the source of the pain, which is why we need to be willing in humility to open up to the personal constraints we have within. Everyone has some deep feelings of hurt, whether they can see them or not, it's normal. The question is, how are your deep feelings effecting your conduct?


      Topics: Feelings and Emotions | 2 Comments »

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      2 Responses to “Deep Feelings, Thoughts And Feelings In Relationships”

      1. Debra Says:
        February 3rd, 2010 at 7:58 am

        Thanks for the link to this note. I definitely am like the
        depth of the oceans (as far as emotions go). I do need to
        continue to deal with the bubble though and keep healing.
        Thanks so much for your encouragement. Btw, I have an appt.
        to see my counselor (who can pull it out of me, trust me) on
        Friday. I’ve also learned that when certain emotions finally
        surface, it’s important that I tell how I’m dealing with them
        to the RIGHT person. That was a hard lesson for me to learn

        Thanks again for your insight and help.

      2. A.Rash Says:
        December 12th, 2010 at 8:03 pm

        It’s a great topic to read, to get me thinking deeply. It gave me so much clarity as why so many of my piano students and musicians can’t even express themselves. The deep rooted emotion can mean a success or failure to any musical student unless awareness is put in place for check and balance.
        Thank you for the insight.

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