People often consider themselves to be having love problems when they are struggling in their relationships. However, the problems in love aren't really love problems, they are lack of love problems. Troubled relationships have love missing problems, it's not loves problem, if the love was flowing, there would not be any problems in their love.
Life is all about learning to love within the context of relationships. The keyword in that sentence being "learning". The learning to love class was not offered at school during childhood, so many of us are learning by way of examples. These examples are set by our parents, by society, and by culture and often lack good direction, as our parents may have been poor examples and society often equates love to sex in order to generate revenues. So the biggest aspect of the so called problems in love are really a lack of love education.
We have all heard songs about love, the love hurts, broken heart love songs. You see people with shirts that express their pain in some fashion. It's not the love that hurts, it's the lack of love that was missing that caused their pain. Unfortunately for many, it is due to a lack of understanding. Many associate love to being loved, in a singular directional flow. We need to be as graceful in our giving of love, as we are in our receiving. The intentions of love are always giving in nature, love is not set on consuming.
The problems people have in their love relationships actually stem from love deficiency. The love deficiency problems are associated to their education and upbringing. Think about it, who ever sat you down and taught you what love really is, and how to love? Society often teaches the "all about you" class, but when your life is over, it's not going to be what you consumed and acquired for yourself, it's going to be about the love you gave.
Love is not just how others make you feel, it's not "I love you because you show me love", that is consuming love from another. Just because someone loves you and does loving things that make you feel the love inside, does not mean that you love them. Loving them would be to give and show love to them through your own outgoing actions. The next time you hear yourself saying he don't love me, or she don't show me love, ask yourself what is the real love problem? When you say something like that, what direction are you focusing on, outgoing or consuming?
In order for the wheels of love to spin within a relationship, love needs input from both parties. In order to do that, both parties need to have a clear understanding of what love really is. The best definition of love can be found in the bible, in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7; Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. That scripture is a necessary resource for anyone's love education.
See in the scripture where it says; "It does not demand it's own way"? Other versions say; "it is not self-centered", or "it is not selfish". This key part of the verse teaches us and tells us, that it's not all about us. It also addresses the single biggest problems in love relationships today. Our deficient love problems most often stem from selfishness…. Which in part have to do with rearing and non-existant teaching. If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. (1 Corinthians 13:1).
Of course there are other areas where people encounter problems in love relationships that are not associated with love. These issues are more about surrounding circumstances that often overwhelm people emotionally, and infect their relationships with turmoil when perspectives or priorities are not in proper alignment. To put it more plainly, your circumstances do not define you or your relationships, not unless you allow them to! The situations will reveal your character and your abilities, but they do not define you. Too many people allow circumstances to overcome them and dictate to them. They become overwhelmed with stuff and allow difficult situations to cause love problems in their relationships. It's a test! How deep is your love? Will you allow the cares of this world to dismantle you and your relationship at the same time?
We need to keep things in perspective, as stated at the top, life is all about love within the context of relationship. Put the relationship above the problems, above the circumstances and situations. Set the relationship above yourself, above your personal desires, and do what is best for the sake of unity. You are better together, stronger together, and can overcome obstacles better together. Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12). Your problems in love can actually bring you closer together when you learn to face them in cohesion. Instead of blaming the problems on each other, each should look at themselves for deficiency spots, and then choose as a couple to unite and stay united. Don't allow those outside influences, those exterior situations, or annoying circumstances to instigate love problems in your relationship.
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