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      I’m Not Happy In My Marriage, Unhappy In Relationship

      By Guide

      After numerous happy times you suddenly find yourself not happy in your relationship. You are now unhappy with your marriage and thoughts of brokenness fill your mind. Is your unhappiness due to a current unresolved relational conflict or in what appears to be an ongoing struggle? When you say that you are not happy in marriage, what do you feel would change that? Do you think your husband or wife could make you happy by doing the things you want or by doing things your way?

      IF YOU ARE A WOMAN OR A MAN IN A PHYSICALLY ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP YOU ARE URGED TO SEEK HELP. (Domestic violence arrests are nearly 50% for both genders)

      Here is a really big question, did you have sex before marriage? People associate sex with love, (with the sex being first), when the sex is first, it’s not love, it’s lust. Did you build the beginnings of your relationship on the premise of lust? That is one big reason why you may not be happy in your marriage, you may have missed the building of friendship and the bonding in companionship. Millions have fallen into this trap and have paid the price, that is why God tells us to wait until we are married.

      Sometimes people go around focusing on their unhappy marriage in a manner that says it’s 100 percent the other guy’s fault. Think of the word partnership for a moment, usually partnership requires more than one entity right? In simple terms, it takes two halves to make one whole. In that one whole, you are half. That means that you are at least halfway responsible for the happiness within your marriage or relationship. In another way of putting it, have you really been doing your part, out of love, to meet your partners needs? Are you trying to meet them half way or are you entirely consumed by what your partner is not doing for you? Be honest with yourself, your relationship depends on it, could you be loving more?

      Let’s say that you are doing your part and have been making significant efforts to love in your relationship, but the other side is not reciprocating, (usually do to selfishness), what can you do to make your marriage a happy one again? Notice that the question refers to you, not to your partner, the resolutions can start right now with your choices and actions. Love choice number one is to pray for your partner and your relationship, preferably together. Don’t let your pride get in the way of a happy relationship, ask God to help you both to reconcile the issues between you and to bring love to the foremost of your relationship. Caution! When praying for your partner, do not pray to God to change your partner, pray for things such as grace, hope, wisdom, insight, direction, mercy, humility, and increased love. Pray for things with love being at the center of your prayer for them. Pray for yourself, ask God to reveal to you were you may have errored and where you can improve and then with humility listen for the answer.

      Perhaps you both could use some sharing lessons within your relationship, how about if you make an effort to initiate this kind of reciprocal activity between you? In this exercise you would both be learning to compromise, to give, and to receive at the same time. Think of your partner and what they would like from you, then think of something that you would like from them and offer to make a trade, without using trade language. Start with simple things just to get the wheels turning. As an example, let’s say you are a woman who enjoys chinese food and your husband would prefer a steak. You offer to take him out for his favorite steak meal and in return he would follow by taking you out for chinese at your favorite restaurant. After that you might suggest that he come up with an idea where he chooses something he likes and then offers to make a deal with you for something you like. You should be able to work out some simplistic ideas between you. Now while you are doing each others preference, remember that you are sacrificing out of love for your partner, enjoy the time you are having together without focusing on problematic issues.

      Seek to put importance on your partnership, raise the value of the relationship itself in your mind , it’s more important than things, than money, than bills, than the house, than those new clothes you want, or that new car your lusting after. Those things are never going to bring you fulfillment, temporary pleasure only leads to long term pain. Your partner is more than a thing, think about that and then decide to appreciate their positive aspects, and love them in those few areas that you find so negative. If you quit centering on the 10 percent of the stuff that you don’t like, you can more easily enjoy the 90 percent that you do like. Besides, even if you traded them in, (like a car), for someone else, you would still end up going through the same difficulties with someone else. The problems in your partnership are endeavoring to teach you both how to love! You might as well stick to your vows, (remember those?), get a cup of perseverance, add in a couple of tablespoons of hope, and pour in a little humility.

      Humility will help you to overcome your relational turbulence. The words you have been saying about the other person, and the finger that you have been pointing outwardly toward them stop. Within a partnership your finger now points at you for resolution, stop complaining, stop whining, stop moaning about how unhappy you are in your marriage and start doing something about it. That begins with you, love is a choice, love is an action, love is extended outwardly towards others, not inwardly to oneself. Happiness is a choice, nobody forces you to be unhappy, you can choose to make adjustments, to be humble, to grow up, to forgive, and to initiate an environment for a happy marriage right now. It’s your marriage, it’s your partnership, and it’s your choice.


      Topics: Marriage Issues | 16 Comments »

      After reading the love article, do you feel that you have personally benefited by the insight? Do you think you have benefited by a value of at least $5 dollars? It does cost money to run this web site, your gifts of gratitude would be greatly appreciated. Give until it feels good, Thank you for being a blessing!

      16 Responses to “I’m Not Happy In My Marriage, Unhappy In Relationship”

      Pages: [2] 1 » Show All

      1. 16
        Venkateswarlu Says:

        I am crying every day of my life from 6 years onwards.
        My marriage life is not so happy. who can help me in happy life .. i it is required i can take any decision about my marriage .. I need some one who can really love me.

        COMMENT: The source of LOVE is God, seek Him out, follow his directions and you will find an everlasting joy.

      2. 15
        venka Says:

        I am not happy with my marriage life ..

        COMMENT: That’s the thing about marriage, it’s not all about you. It takes two people to make a relationship work, two people who love each other. So the question is, what are you going to do to improve your marriage and increase the love in it?

      3. 14
        Jhelyn Says:

        I need help.I am 6-yr married to a 29 yr.old guy. We got married when I was 20 & he was 22. He got me pregnant and even though we’re both not ready, we got married. Years had passed and we now have 2 kids. Just recently, we talked while in bed and he began to started the conversation that he sometimes feel he’s no longer happy with me. That he sometimes want a space so he could think if he would misses me. He wants to feel the his love for me when we were not yet married. That he has many “what if’s” in mind. (what if I dint get pregnant, what if he’s married with another girl and not me, or what if he’s not yet married at his age now, will he be flirting around because we both didn’t enjoy single-hood) He even told me that sometimes he would want to just hang out with his friends and drink (which is not normal because he rarely drinks). When he started to be busy w/ his new job almost 4 month now, we haven’t been talking at night, (I’m already asleep when he arrives) I asked him what’s his plans are? Is he gonna leave us for the meantime? He said he doesn’t know. Up to now, we are still living together, doing the same things we used to do, specially when we’re in front of the kids. But each night, I cry asking myself, where to start fixing our marriage. Pls. help me. Thank you

        COMMENT: Appreciation brings transformation, and it sounds like he may have lost sight of what he has. It is common that couples in relationships take one another for granted after the “honeymoon” is over, but sometimes selfishness eats away at the core of the relationship too! I would like to HIGHLY SUGGEST you get this hilariously funny but insight relationship DVD’s : Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage and watch them with him, ask him to give you an hour of his time to watch these together. If that does not work, sit down and watch it while he is in the house, indirectly giving him a chance to listen to and join in.

      4. 13
        Hornbag Says:

        what a f****d website….

        Comment: Yeah the truth hurts sometimes, and it hurts more when you are in denial and being selfish.

      5. 12
        Gail Says:

        I have been married for almost 25 years. We got married when I was 16 and he was 19. I do love my husband but I love him like you would a friend. I know I’m not affection enough and he tells me so but no matter how I try I don’t want to be affectionate towards him that way. When I do it feels forced. We don’t have children. I can’t really go to him or talk about what’s really bothering me because it hurts his feelings and I don’t want to do that so I just hold it in. He’s not religious. He knows that I believe in god and he is usually respectful of that. Although he has purchased a couple of books recently that I don’t approve of. One is called god is not great how religion ruins everything. I told him I didn’t like that! We just seem far different from each other. We can get along. We rarely fight. But things just do not seem right to me! I feel like he is just a friend and I really don’t want to talk to him about certain things. I mentioned going to counseling but he doesn’t seem interested. I think I’ve probably been too passive and don’t know how to push issues so now I’m just unhappy and don’t know what to do.

        COMMENT; You don’t get married to be happy, your get married to love each other, (with all the imperfections), and to learn how to love within the context of a relationship. However, in order to love him, you must first love yourself, not in a selfish manner, but in God. It sounds like you have lost “that loving feeling”, but feelings are instigated by the actions of love. So in order to get those feelings flowing, love must be the first action. Not to say this is true in your situation, but many women sit back waiting for the man to show the love first, so that their “feelings” come into play. Sometimes, in love, and out of love, one needs to instigate love by choice, (love is a choice, an action, not a feeling; feelings follow love). Now you knew his standing on “religion” before you got married, you can’t change people, you can only change yourself, so quit trying to make him out to be who you want him to be, and let God do the molding and the shaping through the light of love your husband sees in you.

        1 Corinthians 7:5 says; Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

        This would be good for you…..and for him, if you casually have it playing while he can hear it.
        Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage

      6. 11
        Summer Says:

        I have been married for 7 years now and we have 3 kids. Things have been up and down the entire time. I do not expect my marriage to be perfect but I cannot help but be very unhappy. I know I haven’t been the easiest person to be around (so says my husband) but how is someone supposed to react to name calling, and belittling from the one person that is supposed to love you? Basically I was told by my husband, when I was 8 months pregnant with our first child, that he didn’t want to get married in the first place. That just destroyed me inside, and it still hurts to this day. I’ve been told to lose weight if I wanted a better physical relationship with him. I NEVER am told he loves me. I am not perfect b/c I had an afair for about a year and I came clean. Things were on thin ice for a while but then we found out I was pregnant with our second child. I’ve done so much changing personally that I don’t even recognize myself sometimes. I’ve tried to become what he would want but it doesn’t seem to work. He still talks down to me, and just nik picks at everything little thing I do. He is very condesending and makes me feel terrible most of the time. I’ve tried talking to him about it and of course he always says he’s sorry and he will try to be dif but he isn’t. It’s almost like he says things just to shut me up so he can go on about his business. I stay home with the kids and he works long hours. He comes home everyday and watches tv until he goes to bed. There is no interaction with me unless he is asking me to get him something. It’s like he has no emotionaly connection whatsoever with me, and I’m just a person filling a space. It has been a really bad year for me. My dad passed away and my grandmother passed away within a month of eachother. My husband almost expects me to bounce right back and not let it bother me. I wasn’t even able to go to my grandmothers funeral b/c we live in MD and all my family is in OKLA. I even asked my husband about me going and he replied with “you were just there.” I was there for my dads funeral. He has no heart in my opinion and I do not know what to do. I could go on and on, but my main concern is rather to stay or leave. Our kids are still younge 6, 3, & 2. I just need help.

        REPLY: It sounds like he still has significant pain regarding the affair….
        How do you think you would behave if the shoe was on the other foot? I think you both really need to start with the beginning of all relationships, with God. However you can not do that for your husband, but you can do it for you. James 1:5; If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.

      Pages: [2] 1 » Show All

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