RESPONSE: First, pray to Jesus and ask Him for forgiveness. Second, change your behavior, make a decision right now that you are not going to allow your hormones and/or emotions to control you like this in the future. Third, realize that healing takes time, both for your fiance and for you, and understand that people heal in their time, not in yours. Fourth, understand that any and all trust has been shattered, trust is built up over time, so it will take time to build up again. Lastly stop beating yourself up over it, that is not going to accomplish anything. Receive the forgiveness from Jesus, seek wisdom, spend some productive time reading the bible.

I have forgiven her but after about 4 years of marriage I did a similar thing to her. Because i thought it would make us even and help me forget about her wrong doing. Nothing happened more than just a kiss.

I have prayed for forgiveness and believed that God did forgive me. How do I tell my wife about this without loosing her. I love her today too much too keep this hidden.

This whole thing is hanging on my shoulders and I need to get rid of it.
Please advise, Pieter

COMMENT: Vindictive or Revengeful behavior will not resolve a thing, and your excuse for doing it is pretty unbelievable! Before you can be honest with others, you must first be honest with yourself and with God. Come on now, you are telling me that you are harboring this much guilt over a kiss from 6 years ago? Think about how that sounds, pretty silly eh? IF that is all it is, then you have not received the forgiveness you have asked for. In other words, God forgives, and you need to accept that forgiveness. However, you must be honest when asking God for forgiveness, were you?

RESPONSE: I don’t know, I am not there, but this may just be his ego at work??? You are married and you made promises, yes you both have failed those promises in many ways, but you still made them. Our highest purpose for life is to learn how to love, and we are called to love. Life is a constant love lesson, my suggestion to you is to order
Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage. Then put it in the DVD and ask him to watch it with you, you will find it to be a comedy……. but one with truths that help you both out.

ANSWER: Sometimes we don’t know or appreciate what we have, people often fall for the appearance of greener pastures, only to find out it’s not so green. If you want a greener grass, you need to water the lawn you have….with love. You made a mistake, you realized it, you are honest about it, which is good, but what is the deal with, as you say: “this guy was never who he claimed to be?” Does not sound like love in either situation, sounds like someone looking to fulfill their own motivations don’t it? I love this guy, but I had a fling with that guy, but then I realized that guy was not so good, so I went back to the first guy?????? First get honest with yourself, and then think about how you would feel if you were made to be the “second choice”. You have shattered trust in the relationship, you have hurt him badly, you need to realize that. Trust has to be rebuilt, and it will not be overnight at a flick of a light switch. Real forgiveness requires repentance, which means to change, and in your case understanding for how he feels. You are the one who is going to have to show your love for him, and rebuild the trust and love over time. Take your eyes off of yourself and the “romance” as you want it, put your eyes on him and meet him where he needs you to meet his emotional needs at. This is not to say to make him an idol or to bow down to everything, but to show and express love to him with meaningful intentions.

Are you married?

Answer: For others reading this, NLP, Neuro-Linguistic Programming, Is a pragmatic self-help method that focuses on what works, and has lots of useful exercises and philosophies that helps you become a better person, increase your influence, and achieve your life goals. And the answer is God, read the bible it’s all there.

Answer: I hear your pain, I know it hurts, I have been in that place in the past, I do feel for you. It sounds like there is a significant issue with the relationship with God. You say you both listen to christian music and you pray together, that is good, however you BOTH need to include Gods word, (daily), and you BOTH need to be in His courts, (church). You may need to take the lead, by example, you read the bible in front of him, you go to church, you watch sermons on TV etc…

Look carefully at this; For what the flesh wants is opposed to the Spirit, and what the Spirit wants is opposed to the flesh. They are opposed to each other, and so you do not do what you want to do. (Galatians 5:17).
….but the person who sins sexually, sins against his own body. (1 Corinthians 6:18).

He is not in control of his hormones or of himself, his flesh is in control of him. Now consider what he might be like if he were closer to God;
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. (Galatians 5:22-23).

As to forgiveness, it is a process, it will not erase your memory. Please read this article: Forgiveness Is Loves Prerequisite

Another thing you could do right now is go rent the movie Fireproof and ask him to watch it with you.

Answer: I know you are feeling the pain of his unfaithfulness, and I know he has shattered the trust in your relationship. The first thing I suggest you do is to pray, or seek prayer at church, pray to God and tell him of your hurts and ask him to guide you. I would like to give you some insights just so you have some understanding. No matter what he says about the other person, he made choices to be at that motel, those choices came from his fleshly desires, nobody elses. Proverbs 6:32; But whoever commits adultery with a woman lacks understanding.

You are both going to have a difficult time in a relationship where you only see each other once a week. It is difficult to meet one anothers needs for an entire week on saturday. I am not by any means saying that this is proper behavior, it is sin, and it is selfish. However you need to understand where issues can arise as to prevent them. You don’t want to give the devil an opportunity to bring discord into your relationship. See 1 Corinthians 7:5; Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
See the part there about the agreement of time? About the temptation and lack of self control? Put those three issues together; (agreement time, temptation, lack of control).

Most people want to resolve the problems in their lives their way, and it does not make for good resolve. Do you both go to church? Do you both spend time in the wisdom of Gods word? If not, make haste! Seek first the kingdom of heaven, seek out wise counsel at the church, in the bible, and in prayer.

Answer: Seek to build a relational foundation of friendship with someone, obstain and get away from lust based relations. Read Proverbs in the bible, it will help you to protect your heart.

Answer: It is not ridiculous at all, you are still talking about it because it is still an issue for you. When it is no longer an issue, you will not have any need to talk about it, and that is when you will know that you have forgiven. Denial is in your opinion that it’s ridiculous. You still have some hurt or pain that you feel your husband has caused you, and it may be legitimate, then again, you may be lacking the mercy and grace that God extends, (out of love), to you for your blemishes. And by the way, I am sure that you have hurt your husband at times as well, relationship is a two-way street. Focusing on your pain will never resolve the issue, love does not insist on it’s own way, love is not irritable or resentful, love bears all things, love endures all things, love forgives. This is not to say that adultery is acceptable, it is selfish, and the bible says that a man who commits adultery lacks sense. However, in a relationship where a partner cheats, there were already more deeply rooted issues, on both sides, before the transgression occurred. This is a hard question to ask yourself, especially in your pain, but how well were you loving your husband? How well were you meeting his needs?