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    Grow Up! Selfishness In Marriage Relationships
    (Press The Play Button To Begin)


    If you have been around saddleback for any length of time
    you know the story, how Kay and I in our early years of marriage,
    it was a disaster. We did not get along, we started fighting on
    the wedding night. And our honeymoon was terrible. The first
    two years of our marriage was hell on earth. Now we loved each
    other and we thought God had put us together. But we are as
    opposite as night and day. When we got engage, right after we
    got engaged, I moved to Japan and Kay moved to Birmingham
    Alabama and we were apart our entire engagement. And so
    when we got married it was like, "and who are you"?

    What we discovered was we had nothing in common. We were
    opposite in every single cell of our DNA. Black and white, you say
    high, I say low, I say why, you say I don't know, o bla de o bla da.
    If we had ever taken the e harmony score, baaaaaa! Disaster,
    danger Will Robinson, I mean it would have... Every marriage
    book in the world would have said that this marriage is heading
    for disaster, they are totally opposite thinkers. But the interesting
    thing was this...

    We made a commitment, and we took a vow before God that said
    tell death do us part. We closed the escape hatch on our marriage,
    and we locked it, and we threw the key away. We said divorce is off
    the table, it is not an option. It is not an option for us, when you take
    it off the table it forces you to grow up. It forces you to work out your
    problems. Now, I am going to give you 20 years of marriage
    counseling in two words, grow up. Because the root of every single
    marriage problem is pure and simple, ego, pride, and self centeredness.
    I want it my way, and you want it your way and neither one of us are
    willing to budge. Or one of us is willing to budge and the other isn't,
    it all comes down to selfishness. The purpose of marriage is not
    just to make you happy, but to make you holy, to teach you to grow
    up, and to be unselfish. To think about we and us instead of me,
    myself and I.

    Most people would rather walk out of a relationship than grow up.
    They want to be selfish, they want their way. Or even if I am willing
    to give some here, you're not willing to give. That's where it all comes
    down to. But we had made this commitment, we are going to make
    this marriage work if it kills us. It nearly did. By the end of the first
    year of marriage I ended up in the hospital and Kay thought she
    was having a nervous breakdown. Now we were miserable, but
    we said, divorce is not an option. (Jokingly), Murder yes, but
    divorce no.

    I was twenty one years old, I was making eight hundred dollars
    a month, and we went and we found a Christian counselor. And
    I paid the counselor a hundred dollars a week for fifteen weeks.
    I don't understand when people say I can't afford counseling, you
    can't afford not to get it. How much is your happiness worth?
    Really? So, I put it on my mastercard, racked up a fifteen hundred
    dollar bill. Someday I'll do a commercial, mastercard saved my
    marriage. You know, a saved marriage, priceless!

    Video On Trusting In Marriage Relationships >>