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      Not In Love With You Anymore, My Feelings Are Gone

      By Guide

      So you’ve lost that loving feeling, it’s gone, gone, gone. Or perhaps your husband or wife says that they are no longer in love with you. Maybe they say this popular line; I love you, but I’m not in love with you anymore. I know it can hurt to hear that, and I know some people hurt when they say that. Husbands and wives get too familiar with each other sometimes and loose appreciation for the love of one another. Other times, they may say that they are not in love with you any more because of some pain or hurt they feel that you caused them. Have you ever noticed how quickly a partner stops saying I love you, when they are angry or upset with you? That kind of love could be referred to as light switch love, here one minute gone the next, or perhaps gone with the wind love.

      There are going to be some people who read this who are going to have this irritation in their heart when they read this. That is because they are resisting the truth and do not want to be honest with themselves. It is better to have the truth, than to wander around aimlessly in the dark, thinking that you have got things all figured out. Let’s say that your wife says; "I love you, but I’m no longer in love with you." That comment in itself could be a bit contradictory, for your wife to say I love you, and then drop a bomb on you like that lacks love. What most wives would probably be saying, not understanding real love or miscommunicating; is I do not have any feelings for you anymore. See many people associate love with emotional feelings alone, the actions of love will rise emotional feelings. When someone does something loving for you it feels good right? You can feel the love that is shown to you right? That is a response to love, it’s the actions that bring the feelings, but it’s actions coming from another that generate those feelings.

      It is quite possible that because a partner is harboring some ill, unforgiven feelings that they are blocking the love themselves. You know……you hurt me, so I don’t have feelings for you anymore, and therefore I am not in love with you, but…..but….but, wait a minute, I do love you. Not! That couldn’t be further from the truth, love is not something that waits to be fulfilled, it does not seek itself. Lots of people are confused about this love thing, many are so stuck on themselves that they think love is only what others do for them. A relationship is two people loving each other, not one person making the other feel giddy. Besides, love overlooks offenses, love is forgiving, love says; "It does not matter what my FEELINGS are right now, I am going to love anyway." See at the foundation, love is a choice YOU make. You do not have to wait on the other person to rise up your feelings in order for you to love them.

      If you are the one saying that "I’m not in love with you anymore," perhaps you have some things to ponder over. Like, why do you say that? Ask yourself that question, you need to obtain the answer to gain inner resolve. You need to understand what it is in you that causes you to shut down your love towards the other person, remember the light switch? Just because your feelings are not bubbling over with champagne dreams, does not change the fact that love is an act made by choice. Could it be that you are being selfish, solely focusing on yourself?

      Did your love leave the building? Did it all get drained down past your toes or are you unable to move past your own pain? Sure, you could go get a fresh new relationship, but in most cases, (other than abusive relationships), you are going to find yourself right back at start in short order. If you are harboring some pain that is causing you to block love from your relationship, then, (in most cases), you are the problem. So what if your husband forgot to call you at exactly 4:03pm, but instead he called you at 4:07pm, get over it. Sometimes the beans end up all over the floor, you clean them up and move on. Wives, your husband is not perfect, are you just now focusing on his imperfections? Did you forget all the things that you said you loved about him? Husbands, your wife is not perfect, cut her some slack, besides it may be you that needs to be showing her some love for a change?

      Are you waiting for your feelings to get jump started in order to be in love again? What could be stopping you from initiating love and getting something rolling yourself? Take the focus off of yourself and look to intently show your husband, wife, or partner some love. See love does not focus on itself, besides you might find that in doing something from your side of the tracks, that it will change things on the other side of the tracks. Remember that feelings respond to acts of love, so give your partner something to respond to! Then everybody’s feelings will be saying; "I’m in love with you". That’s how YOU bring back that loving feeling!

      When His, or Her Emotional Needs Are Not Being Met >>



      Topics: Feelings and Emotions | 13 Comments »

      After reading the love article, do you feel that you have personally benefited by the insight? Do you think you have benefited by a value of at least $5 dollars? It does cost money to run this web site, your gifts of gratitude would be greatly appreciated. Give until it feels good, Thank you for being a blessing!

      13 Responses to “Not In Love With You Anymore, My Feelings Are Gone”

      1. Love Tips » A Love Deficiency Dilemma, When Needs Are Not Being Met Says:
        September 25th, 2009 at 6:26 pm

        So the man is not focusing on meeting the woman’s needs, and the woman is not focusing on meeting the mans needs, leaving each of them with an unmet needs dilemma, and some self-centered issues as well.

      2. Brittney J. Says:
        October 19th, 2009 at 12:03 pm

        I love this article, well, i should say that i enjoy it and i can definitely relate to it. My husband hasn’t been acting like he wants to please me lately and it makes our relationship dry from time to time…..any advice…. thanks so much! Brittney

        Answer: Although love is received and one should be open to it, love is a giving thing. Feelings react to the actions of love, so perhaps you need to focus more on showing love, rather than receiving love? Try to ignite the passions from your side of the fence. You say it’s dry, get creative. You do not have to wait on him to show love to you before you show love.

      3. Nancy Says:
        November 5th, 2009 at 8:50 am

        Sometimes all the water that’s gone under the bridge has washed away the love that was there…

        Comment: Love is not only something you feel. It’s something you do. Love is a choice, love does not focus on personal pain, love overlooks an offense, forgiveness is a prerequisite of love. The love went under the bridge because you choose not to love.

      4. vanessa Says:
        January 21st, 2011 at 11:52 pm

        well i have dis boyfriend n im tired of im when we need 2 talk he seems 2 make a joke out of it or hee get loud n tell me 2 get out of his face n dat shyt hurtin me cause im stressin dat i am feelin very unappeciated thou, i do everything cook clean n take care of my infant n he still dont respect me when i talk bout anything 4 exMPLE he have a cousin stayin with us he done call me out my name several times when we first met he never did dat but it is wat it is i just think da only soulution is WE NOT IN LOVE ANYMORE

        COMMENT: And you will probably continue to feel undervalued by him until you get married. Having someone stay in your home for more than a couple weeks can put a serious strain on your relationship, not good! You can bring back that loving feeling, when you both understand what love really is. Love is a choice, it does not require your feelings to be aroused in order to love, you can love simply by deciding to, and so can he. Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage

      5. Beth Says:
        February 16th, 2012 at 3:30 pm

        I haven’t felt much love for my husband for many years. I don’t feel that it just suddenly wasn’t there but that it was slowly chipped away at. Chipped away at by his bad temper. His treatment of me borders on abuse although he doesn’t outright hit me. Not with his hands anyway. He always throws and hits me with something or slams the car door on me. Then says he didn’t really mean for it to hit me. He calls me names and he yells at other drivers on the road when we are out. Sometimes he rolls his window down and waves his arm at them. He drives reckless and too fast with me in the car if he gets mad at me and makes me fear for my life. He explodes over the least little thing. It feels like all this has killed off my love.

        COMMENT: You need to communicate with him in a safe area, perhaps around some family, where you can tell him that he needs help with his anger issues. Tell him how it affects you, and how it makes you feel, but make sure it is in a safe area with someone else around. If he is not in control of his emotions, then his emotions are in control of him.

      6. shastini Says:
        September 17th, 2012 at 3:08 am

        i have been in a relationship for more than 2 years… we were very loving with each n other… we were planning for future and many things… days past by when he start seeing his first ex… and all of a sudden he said he has no feelings toward me when i ask why ?? he said i donno at all..i just got no feelings. what shall i do??? i just love him a lot .. i sacrificed a lot today i'm just dumped in a rubbish….

        COMMENT: Sounds like the same thing I talk about over and over and over again. You gave yourself away prematurely and bonded with him sexually, you are now significantly emotionally attached to him. The problem being is that he was using you to fulfill his own selfish desires. Learn from this mistake, do not have sex with a man until you are married, it will save you a huge amount of heart ache. On the bright side, there is someone much better out there for you, take your time and build a relationship based on friendship.

      7. Hope Says:
        January 4th, 2013 at 9:02 am

        My husband & I are married for 18 years & we have 3 children. Lately I said 3 months ago he sleeps on the other side of the bed not facing me. We had resentment towards each other a lot of time as we said things to each others that’s hurts. But there never 3rd person involved. He told me he loves as a mother of our child , as a friend but I am not his lovers for a long time. Over the years I resent him & we don’t make love often than we used to be. He always has to initiative it & I think is my fault as I neglected his feelings & need. He doesn’t understand the exhaustion of dealing with our three demanding kids & also his unlove feelings towards make me refuse him. So I accepted that I had neglected him & I started to show him my affection, my love. I bought some sexy lingeries & i made the move & we had sex twice in 10 days period.
        Later when he told me he needs to think it over & ask me wait till after Xmas & new year so that the kids can still have a nice Xmas. I went along but then later with this shock & hurts I started panicking. I found a bracelet & a heart charm receipt he bought on the day that he told me that he went out with his colleagues to celebrate his 40th birthday. I felt so betrayed & angry & panicked. So I confronted him. He told me its was a gift that all the colleague contributed to his boss’s daughter wedding gift. He was very mad that I don’t trust him & he said to me that’s it, it makes him make up his mind. I apologies to him & felt really bad. I wrote him a sorry card & letter but he didn’t even want to open the letter & card. It’s had been 16 days now he still not forgiving me as he told me he will look at it when he is ready. We acted like normal in front of the kids. He still kiss me at night before he goes to sleep & also before he goes to work. He will let me cuddle him but if I caress him he get irritated. He is one minute warm & one minute cold. He told me his feelings for me is gone, so he doesn’t know when he will have the feelings back for me. It might take a month or months & told me to stop crying & deal with it.
        It’s broke my heart & everyday I felt this pain , this emptiness in my heart. I never doubt about his love for me & I thought he understood how much I love him. I tried my best to provide him an comfortable clean home & look after my children the best way I could. Still I am not good enough for him. I admitted that I had neglected him as I always put our children needs first. I am very regretted about that & I am willing to change & I am showing the affections to him now. Will this too late?
        It’s past new year now & he hasn’t mentioned anything to me yet. I don’t know whether to bring it up or just leave it & wait for him to come out from his shell.
        Another thing I need to mention he has a colleague who had left the company 3 months ago that he got on very well still get in touch with him. He told me the colleague is married with 2 kids but he is gay. He told me that his gay colleague has a crush on him. He convinced me that he is never interested in gay. I know he is strongly against that. But he likes this gay friend & he told me they talked about life about their childhood life. On new year day this gay friend sent a greeting text full page long poem & my husband show it to me. Oh, this friend also were there at his birthday party at work.
        If I know my same sex friend has a crush on me I will stay away from her won’t you? But he didn’t think that’s a problem unless he has feelings for him too that he didn’t realized it.
        I know he may not be the problem of our marriage but it does mess up my mind big time. I am very confused very scared very sad that I am going to lose the love of my life. Please help please advise me.

        COMMENT: The thing about love is that it is a choice, one does not have to wait for “their feelings” to catch up with them in order to show love to anyone. Now resentment is like poison, it ferments and causes more issues, it does not resolve anything. Now there is insecurity, lack of trust, and who knows what else. You both need to humble yourselves and get some counseling help.

      8. sanjana sahu Says:
        January 5th, 2013 at 1:48 pm

        recently my husband left the house due to certain financial troubles in business, during this time he fell friendly with another girl and left me unattended. i have two sons and ours is a love and inter cast marriage ,after three months of separation we ar living together as all our relatives have decided it for our kids future ,he says that he forgot that girl bec we had paid huge compensation of money to that girls family to break up this bond ,by this he realized that ,that girl loved him only for his money but he still remains quite and only share the bed with me for sex not love and feelings this is hurting me ,i think he is still friendly with that girl but he promised that he is not ,i cannot trust him anymore bec he broke our 13 yeas of faithful love. know i think that its me only who wants him and care for him not him at all .this might be bec of his business loss in shipping company he remains quite and quilty that all came to know about his external affair . i am left in depression whether to live or control my love and feeling so that he knows my imp in his life.

        COMMENT: Chances are that he fell friendly with someone else because there were already issues in the marriage. It does not make adultry ok, but there are usually things already going on that led up to it. Now, the foundation of trust has been broken and trust takes time to build up. You both need to go for counseling if you can humble yourselves enough and really want to get your marriage on the right path.

      9. Nicole Says:
        May 29th, 2013 at 8:50 pm

        Concerned family member here! I have a mother & father in-law that have been married for over 20yrs. The relationship has been rocky throughout and now seems to be on the brink of a divorce or an indefinite separation. One side rants and threatens, with empty threats, while the other is as quiet as a statue. I feel that their biggest concern is their lack of communication, which has been a problem from day one. My mother in-law is very aggressive and verbal and basically dictates everything, while me father in-law is quiet and tries to avoid confrontation. While they complain to others about what the other spouse is doing wrong, they have no communication with each other. My mother in-law blames his drinking, while my father in-law plays mute and focuses on starting his own business, which she is very against. They have been sleeping in separate rooms and have not been intimate for months. They do not go out anywhere together anymore unless it is a family event. They had tried marriage counseling through a church a few times with no progress. It is to the point where my mother in-law calls daily crying and stressing over her husband, and he remains mute on his feeling about anything besides, this new business, and attempting to stay in the house they live in while she is trying to kick him out. She feels like he is using her for her resources only and that he doesn’t love her anymore. I wish I knew how to help them, but they both seem stuck in their ways and stuck on blaming the other party for the marital problems. Any advice for a concerned daughter in-law??

        COMMENT: I can almost feel the sadness in your heart, sorry to hear it, but it is fairly common, and their is always hope. People don’t change until their pain exceeds their fear of change. That is why the church counseling did not work, they must humble themselves and admit their shortcomings in the relationship first, (And they both have them!). It sounds like they have lost sight of love, are focusing inwardly instead of outwardly, and have some developing to do. I have a couple of suggestions, since you are seeking to be of some assistance. If you think you can get them both to set down with you, because you love them. Try obtaining the DVD Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage, (there is a link at the top middle of this page). Tell them you would appreciate them finishing the video with you, sit down and watch it together, this will help to hold the 2 of them accountable to watch it. Click the follow link and print it out: Top 100 Questions To Ask Before Divorce. Leave a copy of it sitting on their dining room table, or somewhere were it will be found. 3rd, tell them to quit focusing on themselves, (yes they are being selfish), put the relationship first, and get back to counseling with an attitude of humility, and lastly, pray for them.

      10. Andrew Says:
        July 3rd, 2013 at 9:38 am

        Excellent article. That’s what I think. That love is demonstrated through actions, not just flowery words like “i love you and want to be with you forever”. After 2 years with my gf she now says that she doesn’t feel like before even though whenever she needed something I was there to help or to talk. For a while she sees only the bad little things (like being a few minutes late), nothing good. Everything annoys her. It seems like all the good stuff I did in the relationship doesn’t even matter. That I was faithful and always there doesn’t matter. The media has destroyed women’s view of relationships. I’m totally heartbroken, I don’t know what to do and I fear that the next relationship will be the same. Any advice?

        COMMENT: Everyone struggles with selfishness at some level, some more than others. Upbringing can have a great deal to do with it as well. It takes time for people to grow and mature and we are all developing at some level, don’t forget that. However, another big thing is what one puts into their minds is what they are going to access. In other words if you listen to the negative all the time, you become like it. But if you listen to the Lord, you are safe.

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