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Not In Love With You Anymore, My Feelings Are Gone
By Guide
So you’ve lost that loving feeling, it’s gone, gone, gone. Or perhaps your husband or wife says that they are no longer in love with you. Maybe they say this popular line; I love you, but I’m not in love with you anymore. I know it can hurt to hear that, and I know some people hurt when they say that. Husbands and wives get too familiar with each other sometimes and loose appreciation for the love of one another. Other times, they may say that they are not in love with you any more because of some pain or hurt they feel that you caused them. Have you ever noticed how quickly a partner stops saying I love you, when they are angry or upset with you? That kind of love could be referred to as light switch love, here one minute gone the next, or perhaps gone with the wind love.
There are going to be some people who read this who are going to have this irritation in their heart when they read this. That is because they are resisting the truth and do not want to be honest with themselves. It is better to have the truth, than to wander around aimlessly in the dark, thinking that you have got things all figured out. Let’s say that your wife says; "I love you, but I’m no longer in love with you." That comment in itself could be a bit contradictory, for your wife to say I love you, and then drop a bomb on you like that lacks love. What most wives would probably be saying, not understanding real love or miscommunicating; is I do not have any feelings for you anymore. See many people associate love with emotional feelings alone, the actions of love will rise emotional feelings. When someone does something loving for you it feels good right? You can feel the love that is shown to you right? That is a response to love, it’s the actions that bring the feelings, but it’s actions coming from another that generate those feelings.
It is quite possible that because a partner is harboring some ill, unforgiven feelings that they are blocking the love themselves. You know……you hurt me, so I don’t have feelings for you anymore, and therefore I am not in love with you, but…..but….but, wait a minute, I do love you. Not! That couldn’t be further from the truth, love is not something that waits to be fulfilled, it does not seek itself. Lots of people are confused about this love thing, many are so stuck on themselves that they think love is only what others do for them. A relationship is two people loving each other, not one person making the other feel giddy. Besides, love overlooks offenses, love is forgiving, love says; "It does not matter what my FEELINGS are right now, I am going to love anyway." See at the foundation, love is a choice YOU make. You do not have to wait on the other person to rise up your feelings in order for you to love them.
If you are the one saying that "I’m not in love with you anymore," perhaps you have some things to ponder over. Like, why do you say that? Ask yourself that question, you need to obtain the answer to gain inner resolve. You need to understand what it is in you that causes you to shut down your love towards the other person, remember the light switch? Just because your feelings are not bubbling over with champagne dreams, does not change the fact that love is an act made by choice. Could it be that you are being selfish, solely focusing on yourself?
Did your love leave the building? Did it all get drained down past your toes or are you unable to move past your own pain? Sure, you could go get a fresh new relationship, but in most cases, (other than abusive relationships), you are going to find yourself right back at start in short order. If you are harboring some pain that is causing you to block love from your relationship, then, (in most cases), you are the problem. So what if your husband forgot to call you at exactly 4:03pm, but instead he called you at 4:07pm, get over it. Sometimes the beans end up all over the floor, you clean them up and move on. Wives, your husband is not perfect, are you just now focusing on his imperfections? Did you forget all the things that you said you loved about him? Husbands, your wife is not perfect, cut her some slack, besides it may be you that needs to be showing her some love for a change?
Are you waiting for your feelings to get jump started in order to be in love again? What could be stopping you from initiating love and getting something rolling yourself? Take the focus off of yourself and look to intently show your husband, wife, or partner some love. See love does not focus on itself, besides you might find that in doing something from your side of the tracks, that it will change things on the other side of the tracks. Remember that feelings respond to acts of love, so give your partner something to respond to! Then everybody’s feelings will be saying; "I’m in love with you". That’s how YOU bring back that loving feeling!
When His, or Her Emotional Needs Are Not Being Met >>
Topics: Feelings and Emotions | 4 Comments »
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January 21st, 2011 at 11:52 pm
well i have dis boyfriend n im tired of im when we need 2 talk he seems 2 make a joke out of it or hee get loud n tell me 2 get out of his face n dat shyt hurtin me cause im stressin dat i am feelin very unappeciated thou, i do everything cook clean n take care of my infant n he still dont respect me when i talk bout anything 4 exMPLE he have a cousin stayin with us he done call me out my name several times when we first met he never did dat but it is wat it is i just think da only soulution is WE NOT IN LOVE ANYMORE
COMMENT: And you will probably continue to feel undervalued by him until you get married. Having someone stay in your home for more than a couple weeks can put a serious strain on your relationship, not good! You can bring back that loving feeling, when you both understand what love really is. Love is a choice, it does not require your feelings to be aroused in order to love, you can love simply by deciding to, and so can he. Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage
November 5th, 2009 at 8:50 am
Sometimes all the water that’s gone under the bridge has washed away the love that was there…
Comment: Love is not only something you feel. It’s something you do. Love is a choice, love does not focus on personal pain, love overlooks an offense, forgiveness is a prerequisite of love. The love went under the bridge because you choose not to love.
October 19th, 2009 at 12:03 pm
I love this article, well, i should say that i enjoy it and i can definitely relate to it. My husband hasn’t been acting like he wants to please me lately and it makes our relationship dry from time to time…..any advice…. thanks so much! Brittney
Answer: Although love is received and one should be open to it, love is a giving thing. Feelings react to the actions of love, so perhaps you need to focus more on showing love, rather than receiving love? Try to ignite the passions from your side of the fence. You say it’s dry, get creative. You do not have to wait on him to show love to you before you show love.
September 25th, 2009 at 6:26 pm
So the man is not focusing on meeting the woman’s needs, and the woman is not focusing on meeting the mans needs, leaving each of them with an unmet needs dilemma, and some self-centered issues as well.