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      A Love Deficiency Dilemma, When Needs Are Not Being Met

      By Guide

      What is the first thing you hear from a woman who has left her husband for another man? "He didn’t love me". Which in many cases is probably true, many men do not love their wives in the ways they need to be loved. However, by her saying that, who is she focusing on? She is focusing on herself. So the man is not focusing on meeting the woman’s needs, and the woman is not focusing on meeting the mans needs, leaving each of them with an unmet needs dilemma, and some self-centered issues as well.

      Try to understand that if both partners are focusing on meeting one another’s needs, which is what real love does, then both spouses will be far less likely to be tempted to begin with. If a man or a woman is not treating their spouse with love, they themselves are opening the door to temptation. The wisdom of the bible holds true, and tells us to love our neighbors as ourselves. In marriage, your closest neighbor is your spouse. Cheating on a spouse is adultery, it is sexual immorality, no matter what the reason, it is selfish and lacks love. However, chances are that it was due to a lack of love to begin with. In other words, both partners played a part due to a love deficiency in their relationship.

      A marriage relationship is a two way street, it requires loving intentions and actions from both partners. Many people believe that if a man cheats on his wife, then he always has, and he always will. You have probably heard the slogan, "once a cheater, always a cheater". What about the slogan, "if you take care of your man, he will take care of you"? Whether you are the husband or the wife in a marriage, your primary objective is to love one another. If you fail to do this, perhaps because you are inwardly focused on yourself, could you really believe that your spouse is 100% at fault for straying? If you fail to love, it’s a sin, if your spouse then commits adultery, it’s a sin. The question is, where was the source of the issue to begin with? Could it have been initiated because you failed to love your spouse? Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time….and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 1 Corinthians 7:5

      We are here to learn to love, that is what life is all about. We are imperfect beings and have room for growth advancement. Every day we have opportunities to love, if your husband or wife fails to show you love, it’s really an opportunity for you to overcome selfishness and love them despite their shortcomings. All too often when people fail to receive the love they want, they selfishly go out to seek it elsewhere, instead of being a loving example. The bible says in Ephesians 5:28, So husbands must love their wives as they love their own bodies. A man who loves his wife loves himself. Whoever commits adultery with a woman has no sense. Whoever does this destroys himself. Proverbs 6:32

      Ladies, do you really think that reserving love accomplishes anything positive? Just because your needs are not being met does not justify a new relationship with someone else. Besides, in many cases you will just end up going through a repeat occurrence, just so you can learn to love. Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout, is a beautiful woman who lacks discretion. Proverbs 11:22

      All too often people allow their emotions and their self-centered ways to control their behavior. The marriage relationship offers both partners the education of love, by way of opportunity. It’s an opportunity to love in otherness, to take the focus off of oneself, and to focus on the other. So the next time that all your needs are not being met, first appreciate the opportunity you have, and then make the most of it. Marriage is honorable in every way, so husbands and wives should be faithful to each other. God will judge those who commit sexual sins, especially those who commit adultery. Hebrews 13:4

      I Don’t Love Him Anymore, My Feelings For Him Are Gone >>


      Topics: Top Love Issues | 2 Comments »

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      2 Responses to “A Love Deficiency Dilemma, When Needs Are Not Being Met”

      1. Sheila Says:
        March 24th, 2009 at 5:58 am

        Despite my husbands cheating on me for 28 years, behind my back, and he got ill but is still showing no signs of poor health, and my kids and I didnt get the horrible disease, lets me know that God forgave him, and I am still trying to. With the Lords help, one day, maybe we can be a whole family again, I pray that it will be soon. God bless.

        Answer: Betrayal does hurt, the selfish actions of adultery tear at the core of marriage, trust is shredded, and deep pain remains. However, it is now your pain that may be the blockage, please read the article on forgiving.

      2. Simmy Says:
        April 30th, 2015 at 12:16 am

        God will judge those who commit sexual sins, especially those who commit adultery. Hebrews 13:4
        If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. John 1:9
        So which is it? For the adulterer who knows he has done wrong and confesses… Judgment? or Forgiveness?
        You can’t threaten Hebrews 13:4 if you believe John 1:9. And you can’t believe John 1:9 if you want to use Hebrews 13:4 as a threat.
        And what if we have already confessed and been forgiven and later fall into adultery and then confess? Is it Hebrews 13:4 that applies, or is it John 1:9 ? It seems to me that some Christians like to threaten God’s judgment when it suits them, (to control behavior through fear?) but then offer God’s forgiveness when it suits them, (to encourage compliance?). It’s known as “Good cop, bad cop.”

        REPLY: First, you quoted the wrong scripture, it is 1 John 1:9
        So which is it you ask?
        He saw through their duplicity and said to them, Luke 20:23

        Go back to 1 John 1:9 for your answer and include the following:

        What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin so that grace may increase? (Romans 6:1)

        Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death. For what the Law could not do, weak as it was through the flesh, God did: sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and as an offering for sin, He condemned sin in the flesh,… (Romans 8:1-3)

        Wisdom is the most important thing; so get wisdom. If it costs everything you have, get understanding. Proverbs 4:7 (NCV)

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