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      Won’t Make Love With Me, She Won’t, He Won’t

      By Guide

      How many times have you heard a guy say; "she won’t have sex with me?" How many times have you heard a woman say; "he won’t have sex with me?" What about my wife won’t have sex with me, my husband won’t, my girlfriend won’t, or my boyfriend won’t make love with me? There are numerous reasons why that could be occurring, but it’s not necessarily a bad thing, depending upon the individual circumstances it could be a very good thing. Did you notice the key word in the sentences, the key word other than sex? The key word I am referring to is ME. So what might you think when a man says; "my girlfriend says she loves me, but won’t have sex with me?" Perhaps that he is focused entirely upon fulfilling his needs and/or she does not wish to give up her personal self respect by giving herself away prematurely? It also does not necessarily mean that the person who is making that kind of statement is being physically rejected, so don’t take it personally in that manner, instead look to gain understanding.

      Actually, in most circumstances there is probably a good and logical reason for the avoidance. The real issue, more than likely, rests more with the one who is complaining about the scenario. You know, the one who keep saying the ME word. Oops, I might have just offended someone who is reading this, but it’s better for you to read it and realize it, than it is to screw up your relationship. Yes, I literally used the more offensive word "screw" in the context of the previous sentence, so that you might have some indication of what you would literally be doing in many situations. Many men often equate sex to love due to their human design, however sexual gratification for one person is selfishness, not love. For many people, including women, sex is more lust based than it is love based. So the issue is one that, more than likely, lacks love in one form or another. But especially so for the person using the all to famous me word.

      Admit it, if you want to gain sexual release for yourself, it’s all about you. Thus it’s not about love, especially from the one pursuing the sex, it’s all about lustful desires. Both men and women can be and are this way, the women are just less likely to readily admit it. Many women like to pretend that they are puffs of white purity when they are far from it. Furthermore, what they do prior to marriage will greatly affect their intimate relations with their marriage partners. See this article on better sexual love making for women to obtain a more in depth understanding on that matter. You may not want to hear it, but you will benefit by having the knowledge, wisdom will protect you if you seek it out.

      There are other reasons why someone won’t want to have sex with you. Perhaps it’s the way you are coming on, husbands your wives are not physical objects to fulfill your sexual desires. You need to do the dance, before you go on with the prance. Women warm up to you by your attention to them, not necessarily by your attention to their breasts or buns. In baseball, you don’t get to touch home plate unless you first go around and TOUCH all the bases. Think about that guys, it’s not about just having sex, it’s about intimacy in the context of the entire relationship. It’s about a closeness you share as companions, as partners, as best friends, and then as lovers, (home plate). This means you need to be showing them love in ways that meet their emotional needs on a regular basis. That is a huge key not only for women, but for men as well.

      Men have emotional needs as well, and if you are one of those whining, nit picking, degrading types, you may be shooting yourself in the foot, and your relationship in the heart. Men have typically more ego than women, it’s part of their design. So if you fail to stroke them in the right ways, you might just turn them off, and at the same time, be planting relational bombs under your bed and into the center of your marriage. At that point many woman have complained; "that he won’t make love with me". See ladies, your husband needs the right kinds of warm up, at some level, as well.

      Now there are those who go around looking for love in all the wrong places and are not necessarily aware of it. There are many women who are subconsciously looking for the love that they never received from their fathers. Sexual partner after sexual partner still leaves them with the same void they had to begin with, but now they lack self respect. Men go around looking to find a repeats of their first sexual encounters, and if they were extremely lustful, they treat other women they meet like the first one.That could be a big reason why a different woman is turned off by a man, but it’s based on his memory, on his past experience. It’s like he is replaying a tape that was played in his past, expecting each encounter to be something like the first one. This is why it’s important for both species to wait for marriage, to have sex in the proper context, in order to avoid the endless cycles of waywardness.

      Another thing that one should consider is that their boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife may have suffered some kind of emotional wounding in childhood or in previous years. You just don’t have all the information, don’t try to draw conclusions based upon the assumptions you make. Get to know your potential life partner at a deeper relational level so that you can better understand where they are at, not where you want them to be. Everybody carries some emotional stuff from their childhoods, and they get more emotional stuff as life goes along. If you don’t know where he or she is coming from, then you need to get to know them better, don’t go around presuming things.

      Just because your girlfriend says that wont make love with you, does not mean that she does not care for or love you. You can quit saying; "if she loves me, then she should have sex with me." That is nothing more than you focusing on yourself, there is no love in that, that is just selfishness on your part. She is not a bodily object that is intended to meet your hormonal desires. Love is not all about you, love is about you focusing on someone else’s needs, not sexual promiscuity. Let your mind focus on clean things, like building a relationship through deep friendship. Please read; You Don’t Know, What You Don’t You Know


      Topics: Sexual Intimacy | 3 Comments »

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      3 Responses to “Won’t Make Love With Me, She Won’t, He Won’t”

      1. fateh Khan Says:
        October 19th, 2009 at 7:18 am

        a very satisfied married life till last few years. she is now 50 years and diabetic. she doesn’t have any interest in sexual relations, and hate the same. Due to which I am having errectile Dysfunctional problems. But I like to have intimate sexual relations What to do?

        Answer: You do not have a dysfunction do to her, that’s a scapegoat. First suggestion would be that you talk with her at a honest level, so much of relationship is about communication. Then perhaps you could both go see doctors to help you with the individual problems. But remember that as long as you are focusing on yourself, you are not in a otherness mindset.

      2. Lisa Says:
        December 8th, 2009 at 3:26 am

        My boyfriend and me, have been together for over two years. Alway’s had sex. I had an abortion to him and later in the relationship, had a miscarriage. My boyfriend is living in a Christian based home for guys. He’s been there for a while now. Suddenly out of the blue, he decides that we can make love anymore until we get married. I don’t know what to make of it. When I ask him, he saids it a sin. But he does other sinful things, like lies. When he come over we lay in the bed and watch tv and he fools around, like kisses me puts his hands down my pants, I get all hot, he gets a hard on, and then just rolls over and starts watching tv like nothing happened. I am 19, he is 22, What do you make of this. This pushed me into an affair, I slepted with this other guy 3 times. I now want nothing to do with he, as I love me boyfriend. I feel so sad about this hole mess, and don’t know what to do!

        Answer: We all make mistakes are in continuous growth patterns. At some level it sounds like he realized that God wants to bless you as a couple, but can’t do that while your are living in that sin. It sounds like he is still allowing the temptation to overcome him, (even if you don’t have intercourse, foreplay is still sin). Everybody sins, nobody is perfect, however we should strive to overcome our hormones and strive to do what is best in the eyes of God. The bible says in 1 Corinthians 7:9; But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. Now, this did not push you off into an affair, it was your choice to have an affair, nobody forced you, (You allowed your hormones, emotions, and your choices to control you). It sounds like niether of you can control yourselves, so don’t allow yourself to be in a position, (or place), where you will lose your control, at least not until you are married. But, understand that a marriage foundation that is set on sex alone is going to have significant problems, because there are many other aspects of relationship than sex. I would highly suggest pre-marital counseling to you both. First learn what love is, because right now it’s all about lust.

      3. Dupsie Says:
        November 13th, 2015 at 7:49 pm

        Sex is not the only reason for a relationship although its very essential in a marital relationship. It is truly, enjoyed only in marriage and should not be given to another outside marriage. marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled but whore mongers and adulterers God will judge. Hebrews 13:4. God will strengthen us and give us all the grace to keep to our husbands or wives only and not give sex out to another.

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