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      Sexual Health Issues, Sexual Memories, Reliving Illusions

      By Guide

      When you enjoy a well prepared meal or perhaps a good movie it leaves you with a lasting impression, and because of the impression you are going to remember it with fondness. You are far more likely to go back to a restaurant if your perceived memories are pleasant ones. Similarly, this is true with men’s perception of sexual health gratification. Men often gravitate towards their early internal representations of sex and attempt to reenact them in their current relationships. Most of their sexual memories are lust based because they were not formed in the context of a significant relationship, they were formed by a self gratifying desire. So for many men their focus is not on relationship building, it’s on fulfilling the lustful desires that was impressed upon their memories from their previous interactions.

      Look at what is happening here, because the men are focused on reliving sexual experiences, they are not focusing on the women with any kind of a bonding intent, but rather that of an object to fulfill their lust based desires. Many men become consumed by this to a point of repetition, and end up becoming restricted in this pattern. Now both men and women are driven by lust, they casually meet, perhaps strike up a conversation, their lust consumes them, and they end up with a one night stand where the sex is meaningless. The woman is left with an impression that sex means nothing, because she had meaningless sex, and she may now feel an emptiness due to the lack of relational bonding.

      After these insignificant sexual relations they are both left with a sexual health dilemma, especially for those who have had many sexual encounters. One day they end up getting married, the man is still trying to relive his previous sexual memories and the woman has been trained by her own fornification that the sexual aspect of the relationship does not mean anything. Many of our societies health physiologists are encouraging this type of fantasy and lust based behavior, which can be very destructive, and actually undermine relationships. Consider a newly married man who is now asking his wife to fulfill his lust based desires. Think of how she might feel when he asks her to do something that she feels awkward about. It’s no wonder why so many couples are having problems connecting together at significant relational health levels.

      Additionally, there is more to consider within the context of lust based fulfillment. A woman who has had multiple sex partners is also likely to struggle due to a lack of oxytocin release. Oxytocin, often referred to as the bonding hormone, the cuddle hormone, and even the love hormone is released with every partner she has had. The sexual health issue is that the more partners she has, the less oxytocin she releases. It’s a downward pendulum swing, where she can’t physically arrive at the same level of sensation. Perhaps something for many women to consider the next time they talk about how their spouse does not satisfy them physically. Often times the sexual health in marriages suffer more from the previous experiences than they do from the current relationship.

      Probably the most significant sexual health issue is that of porn. Just as you train your muscles with weights, you also train your thought processes by what you intake. There are many men who have been so into porn based self gratification that they can no longer get aroused by their wives. They have trained their minds and bodies to respond to the virtual stimulation rather than that of a real woman. Others bring those same lust based porn thoughts into their sexual relationships, and then they wonder why their wives do not respond to them. So many men treat women like they are sexual objects to fulfill their own lustful desires. It’s no wonder why so many women call men self-centered pigs. However, those same women should reevaluate their own sexual health miscues, as they themselves have probably contributed to the overall lust based issue by means of numerous sexual partners.

      Your previous sexual impressions leave you with significant sexual health impacts and ramifications, this is why you should wait for the relational bonding of marriage before having physical intercourse. When a woman has sex outside the context of marriage she trains herself to have a antagonistic attitude towards sex. She is lacking the bonding that she is really seeking, she finds there is no cohesiveness, and no continuance. This is one reason why many women have dissonant attitudes regarding sex. By their own behavior they have incorrectly learned that sex is meaningless, and they often blame their husband, when in all actuality it has more to do with her past, than it has to do with her present. There are variations to this however, sadly their are those who have been forcefully molested and they will need that much more love, via compassion and understanding.

      Conversely, if a man and woman wait until marriage they will find meaningful bonding, they do not have previous lust filled memories, they will find themselves with intimate connections at all levels, including sexual health. Furthermore, their divorce rates will be significantly less than those who did not wait. Now many people want resolutions for their relationship issues, yet they choose not to take heed in advance, they do not wish to accept the truth and they continue on their wayward paths, then they blame the other for their own destructions. People want fixes, but they want the fixes their way, and it is their way that got them into the mess to begin with.

      Some may be struggling with the above related sexual health issues, however a couple can have a healthy love making experiences within the context of their marriage. They need to accept the issues within and begin to reprogram their behavior thought patterns. They can start loving each other as it was intended to be. Both partners in a marriage have a responsibility to each other, you will both need to accept your own personal weaknesses and if necessary seek Godly counsel to assist you. The health resolutions begin within you, not where your finger is pointing. You may need to accept that you have been handed some sexual health misconceptions, and you need to be humble enough to allow those misconceptions to be stripped away.


      Topics: Sexual Intimacy | 2 Comments »

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      2 Responses to “Sexual Health Issues, Sexual Memories, Reliving Illusions”

      1. Robert Says:
        September 3rd, 2009 at 5:48 am

        How does one stay together? Togetherness is related to commitment so I believe one has to be committed to stay in togetherness.

        Answer: Love is a choice, Two stay together by holding their vows to love, honor, and cherish one another… Which is often failed, sometimes miserably by one or both partners. What is the real root of your question?

      2. Daria Says:
        September 30th, 2009 at 11:34 pm

        I think it’s worth pointing out that there are also sexual health issues and misconceptions that can arise from saving oneself for marriage and choosing to ignore temptations rather than learning to deal with them. My husband and I were virgins when we married, but I honestly believe that our sex life has suffered from my lack of interest resulting from years of suppressing sexual urges. This in turn has damaged our emotional relationship. There needs to be some balance and realism in what’s taught to teens regarding sexual purity, instead of the current approach of telling them to ignore anything sex-related while single and expecting a switch to suddenly turn on when married.

        ANSWER: Interesting…Realism? learning to deal with or? Controlling your hormones, your flesh, and your lust? It is a choice to control yourself, and it’s a choice to suppress yourself. If you are still suppressing, it is for a reason, the question is, what reason? There is far more going on in your relationship than a just the sex itself, that is only a surface depiction of the root cause. There is far more going on in you that is yet to be discovered by you. Getting to the root cause will take more time and far more honesty. Often times people look to blame something, something else rather than the source issue, because they do not want to deal with their own reality. There is either a physical issue, and/or a mental/emotional issue. Your issue could very well stem from your childhood, are you suppressing any hurtful memories? Do you know God? The One who created you? The One who knows you better than yourself? If not, that is the place you need to start.

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