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      Should Couples Live Together Before Marriage, Sleeping Together

      By Guide

      Many people wonder should we live together before we get married? This issue is especially true with young adults who have acquired some real living misconceptions. Some couples may think that living together will help them ensure a happy relationship before actually committing themselves fully. Many couples who live together before marriage would say that marriage is just a piece of paper anyway. Actually, living together lacks the commitment that a marriage extends. Concubinage is living together like spouses, (cohabitation), without being legally married. Also referred to as a common-law marriage, which is a marriage relationship created by agreement and cohabitation rather than by ceremony.

      Let's begin with the consideration, the opinion, the thought, that while living together you will be able to determine if you can live in harmony together. If this is what you are thinking then you are insecure with the relationship to a point of fire escape implementation. In other words you are saying; "let's live together, but at the first sign of conflict I want to be able to get out." Folks, nobody has a relationship that does not have some difficulties, because nobody is perfect, you are going to have some times of discord. If you really love someone, then you would not want a built in escape hatch, love perseveres and endures through all circumstances. Rather, you would want a relational foundation of love between you that says, that you as a couple, would work out anything together through your love for each other. So instead of rushing in with this misconception, spend more time growing your foundational bonds of friendship.

      It's possible that many young adults think that they should live together before marriage because they have watched there own parents fail at relationship. If you are a young adult who has watched your parents go through a painful divorce and has dealt with the pain of a failed family, I really do feel for you, I too have experienced the same thing. But the reasoning behind the relational failure is a lack of love, it is not some incompatibility issue. Incompatibility is a falsehood for a failed marriage, either the premise was wrong initially or they as a couple failed to love congruently. The erroneous belief that you might be able to do better than them by first living together with someone before marriage is inaccurate. The veins of a healthy relationship must be filled with love, love does not fail.

      What about someone who says that marriage is just a piece of paper and that it is fine for couples to live together? That generally comes from someone who does not want to commit, and could be associated with insecurity as well. It also may come from someone who does not want to commit, but at the same time desires to be sexually fulfilled, (self-indulgence). A person like that is more consumed with lustful desires than they are with love. Love is a commitment, it is not something you choose to turn off and on like a light switch, nor does love seek it's own satisfaction. You can give and receive love, but love does not sit around with a catchers mitt waiting to inwardly absorb from others, that is selfishness. A lust based relationship is not healthy or love based, the foundation of those kinds of relationships are already skewed. When the sex fails, the relationship fails because there is nothing left of the relationship. There is no love in lust, there is no foundation of friendship to fall back on, and no relational bonds outside of the physical intimacy. A lust based relationship is like building a house on quicksand, like selfishness, it will implode inward on itself. So much for the argument that you just want to live together to make sure that you will be sexually satisfied before you get married.

      Now there may be some who say that they are going to be living together without having sex, quit it! Either you are not being honest with yourself or you are unaware of the temptation that you will be overloading one another with. Everyday you would be fighting against that temptation, so why put yourself or your partner at risk in that kind of a situation? More importantly, why would you put your relationship at risk if you value it? Love would not do that.

      If we are truly honest with ourselves we will readily admit that couples who live together, outside of the context of marriage, are living in a relationally premature situation. Love is not the foremost of the relationship with those who make commitment excuses, otherwise they would have already committed themselves through love into marriage. There is some false belief, some self-deceit, or some relational deception implied upon their partner. It's delusion by way of fallacy.

      Ladies if you allow yourself to get involved in a living together situation, you set yourself up for other emotional issues. You are going to feel insecure in a living together arrangement, and it's going to be a ongoing issue with you, especially if you give yourself away prematurely. There are plenty of men who will use you for their own lust fulfillment, and that feeling of being used is not going to leave your emotions alone. Too many women fall into this sand trap and end up being hurt because they allowed themselves to be taken by a living together falsehood. You should first consider the character of a man that suggests that you live together as a couple before marriage. You should also consider his ability to love, and his level of love for you by making a suggestion to live together before getting married. If a man really loves you, he will say it with meaningful actions, he will say it with a ring.

      We must show love through actions that are sincere, not through mere empty words. 1 John 3:18


      Topics: Top Love Issues | 20 Comments »

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      20 Responses to “Should Couples Live Together Before Marriage, Sleeping Together”

      Pages: [2] 1 » Show All

      1. 20
        Dupsie Says:

        I can give this particular write up to my colleague the lady I asked a question for in the article on cheating. This answers her question.

      2. 19
        Goomena Says:

        It all depends on the person. In this time and age most young people would probably think that this is crap. However some people have learned lessons from living with someone before they were married and their stories, in many cases not that good. If you feel that that is the right person then people just decide to move in together. I however agree that this is for people who do not want commitments especially long term ones.

        COMMENT: Sounds pretty ignorant to say the least. I love the excuses people come up with, when they just want to have sex. You should not rush into anything, but instead build a foundation built on friendship, not on lust, (A LUST FOUNDATION WILL CRACK). Sure you are going to learn things about the other person, that will occur even after marriage and until the day you die. You could also continue getting to know them without the sex part, and without moving in with them, so what kind of an excuse is that? YOU NEED TO MAKE SURE THAT YOU ARE GOING TO LOVE SOMEONE, if you are not serious and committed, and are going use the fire escape hatch whenever there’s turbulence, then you are NOT READY ANYWAY! So everyone, protect yourself and get a ring and a marriage certificate, at least that will make walking out significantly more difficult. This is the lesson in life, learning how to love in the context of relationships, not learning how to use others to fulfill your own selfish sexual desires. What do you want to be, wanted, respected, and loved, or a live in sex object? Ladies?

      3. 18
        Phine Says:

        Its a good advice, if only the parties involved, are patient, nd understanding with one another, cos u will eventualy end having d sex, but on the other hand the men involved, will tell u, dat they want to have a feel of what they are getting into, if its worth it, a whole lot of women fall prey, especially when feelings are involved
        a lot of women get hurt,

      4. 17
        Anonymous Says:

        It is a good advice. My culture won’t allow both partners to have sex before married. But I think the physical sexual before married is important if u trust ur partner. but for me I don’t trust anyone.The man can not only love u without physical sexual although they love u so much then they will find another girl. Is it right? They don’t want to talk to u like before they want to talk only to his girl. It is so sad.

        RESPONSE: A man who really loves you will be willing to wait for a proper marriage. Love requires sacrifice, and if a man is unwilling to wait for sex, then he is focused more on his wants than he is on your needs, that is not love, that is selfishness. The biggest issue occurs when the man gets his wants met, then leaves the woman hanging because he is already getting “his”, or dumps her altogether at some point breaking her heart. This is a real deal that many hurt women could attest to.

      5. 16
        Andy Says:

        I’m assuming this advice applies to only Christians and not non-believers, right? Because it doesn’t make an ounce of sense to anybody with non-religious beliefs.

        Have you ever heard of the 21st century?

        Some couples simply can’t afford to live alone, and why should they? For some ridiculous belief otherwise that says it’s going to harm their long term relationship? Please…

        If you’re truly right for marriage, a few years living together shouldn’t make the slightest bit of difference. I’m sorry but this article just had me rolling my eyes.

        RESPONSE: Who is anybody? I only see your name here? I bet there are many of non-religious women who would call your comments foolishness. Oh, no it is for you too, you of such great wisdom and comprehensive insight. If you only had some data, (information, factor analysis, statistics, & relational database), in which to review before you speak, you would find why that is. Roll your eyes, then tell me you have not taken advantage of any women, and also tell me how after years of living together, YOU, YOURSELF, are happily married today. I mean you are the proof of your own expertise right? Please… You can’t do any of the above, because you rely on misconceptions and your own head knowledge, which is in a significant area of lack.

      6. 15
        david Says:

        well i being separated for 7yrs an being in a relationship with this woman for 3yrs now an in the begging our relationship started out with loving one another a whole lot and we was living together but at first she was on drugs real bad but i love her anyway an stick bye her an pray for her an now god answer my prayer an since then she turn her life over to the lord but she want to marry me now an she decided to stop having sex with me until we get marry knowing that im going threw a divorce right now. i told her that we are sinning because of that but yet she still feel like it ok for us to live together so all i want to know is it ok for us to live together that way.

        COMMENT: You seek someones permission, someone to tell you that sin is ok? Do not give the devil a threshold. You are still married until you have become divorced. What sin in your life is causing your divorce?

      7. 14
        sofia Says:

        Before anything else, I would just like to let you know a brief story of my love life. My boyfriend now is my first love and my first BF when I was in high school. After 31 yrs, we met again and we both working on our annulment. I am separated for 13 yrs now and He is for 7 years. We are both Christians in Faith. He is working overseas and will be coming over to see me by next year of January. We claim ourselves as husband and wife, since our annulment is on process and we are sincere with each other that after it has been done, we will get married. The only reason why we can’t get married when he comes home is our annulment which is still on process. We knew that sex is not allowed by God unless you are married. What if when he comes here and wasn’t able to control and have sex. Would it still be considered a sin even if we are faithful and sincere with each other and have plans of getting married if annulment finish?

        COMMENT: First please consider the fact that God hates divorce, (what you are calling annulment). Then consider that if you are not single, then you are still married, (because you are not divorced), and if you are still married and have sex outside of the bonds of your marriage, it is to adultery. Adultery is a sin and sex outside the context of marriage is a sin. It is more important to develop a deep bond of friendship than it is to have sex, the foundation of friendship is the most important part of your relationship. Too many people rush in to sex, get married, and then the sex relationship dies off after some time, and so does the rest of the relationship because they did not build their friendship first.

      8. 13
        Flora M. Says:

        My boyfriend and i are living together and have recently recommitted our lives to Christ. However we met each other while we were using drugs and having premarital sex. I have made a decision to abstain from sex with him until we marry. He is for the most part in agreement with me however he tends to have more problems controlling his sexual attraction to me then i to him and he feels that its outdated to wait. BUT i have not given in and will NOT give in and it has almost become an obsession to keep up the answer “NO”. I feel now at this point that if my relationship crumbles with him do to the fact we are not having sex til marriage then good riddance. Don’t get me wrong, I love him very much and it will hurt me but i will not compromise on this matter.I would move out but he is not keen on that idea and so far we have managed to really build on our friendship without sex. Whether he realizes it or not we have really grown closer to each other because of our celibacy. What do you think about all this???

        COMMENT: My opinion is that the temptation is too much for either of you and that you should not being living together unless you are married. Ephesians 4:27 says; and give no opportunity to the devil.

        But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. 1 Corinthians 7:9

      9. 12
        Anna Says:

        I firmly believe that couple SHOULD NEVER LIVE TOGETHER!!!! If you live together you might as well get married. In most cases the men don’t want to commit. Once you move in with a man he will never marry you. I got burned and I lost trust in men , and i know I will never ever trust another man again.

        COMMENT: You got burned, as many women have, do to their own choices, do not blame the man for your poor choices. You first need to be accountable for your own choices, and you should be determining a mans character in advance so that you will avoid being burned, and from the sounds of what you have said, you were unable to do that. This is why God has given us a handbook for our lives, too bad most people think their way is better…..they always find out differently. If you want to change your outcomes, change the way you think by engaging yourself in the bible. Proverbs 4:7 says; Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding.

      10. 11
        Danie D. Says:

        My fiance and I live together and do not have sex. Temptation is going to be there whether you live together or not. But what I really want to know is…Is it biblically wrong to live together and not have sex. Yes or No. Thanks in advance. God Bless

        REPLY: Let us not fool ourselves, temptation comes by location. You may be tempted, but because you are at a restuarant in the public, it would be far less likely than if you were at home. I can not tell you that the bible says not to live together. However the bible says: James 4:7 Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.

      Pages: [2] 1 » Show All

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