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      Understanding Anger, Controlling Anger & Emotional Responses

      By Guide

      (If you are in a physically abusive relationship you should seek safe refuge and assistance.)

      Often times in relationships people loose their cool and get upset, they get angry. There is a difference between being righteously angry and having unjustified anger. But, before we dig into the rage that sometimes controls us, we need to understand that we are human and we have been wired with emotions. We all have feelings and we are going to have emotional responses to a wide variety of issues, both negative and positive. These reactions to our current circumstances, for instance, may provoke anger, stimulate passion, overwhelm us, or raise our spirits. Regardless of the emotions, we need to make efforts to be wise and to be in control of ourselves, (self control).

      How do we do that? Controlling anger begins by becoming informed about anger and what it’s source is, so we can realize it’s position within us when we are angry. However, we need to first understand that emotions are not good at thinking for us. The best place for our thought processes to occur is in our brains, the brain is far better equipped to rationalize than our emotions are. Our emotions are actually quite poor at doing any kind of intelligent reasoning. If we use our brains, instead of allowing emotional responses to dictate our choices, we will be far better off when making any significant decisions. We all have brains, let’s use them!

      Now we need to recognize and understand that the information we store up in our brains is going to be what we access at any given time. If we do not seek out wisdom, for the purposes of gaining understanding, we are not going to be prepared to respond adequately to the situations we are faced with. Consider your computer, it stores up much data and information, it then accesses that information on a needed basis. However, if it does not have the correct information, it will have difficulty processing the requested data. You might need to consider the things that you are storing in your database for future access. If the knowledge that you are gathering is corrupt, it’s going to be of no use to you. Think about that while you are watching television, about the content of the books you are reading, and then consider seeking out sound context  to collect for your knowledge reservoir.
      Let us now focus in on anger and hopefully gather some information that we will access when we need it. This should help us to analyze our own anger and the angry responses of others. Anger is a secondary emotion, it’s not the primary emotion. We get angry due to our hurts, frustrations, and or our fears. We become encompassed by our own pain bondage. So we need to deal with our anger by understanding that anger requires a response. Our response, or our choice is either pain or peace. If we stuff our anger, it implodes down and festers like a volcano preparing to erupt. You ever wonder why it appears that some people are never going to be nice? It may be because they are carrying previous fears, hurts, and frustrations with them like luggage sacks. There are those who are stuck in their own stuckness. There is hope though, the pain at the core is the place where the healing arrives.

      Our solution to our anger is to first reflect on it, instead of allowing it to control us, we reflect instead of react. For this we shall be required to use our brains. If you have been paying attention, you know that anger is a secondary emotion to our hurts, frustrations, and fears and that information should now be stored in your brains database. So we do not deny our anger, we delay it. We stop and cool down and consider what is the true source of our anger. Are we frustrated? Are we hurt? Or are we afraid? What feeling has caused this reaction within us? We need to define why we are angry, what is beneath the surface? With this procedure we can begin to defuse our anger, we are now in the process of controlling our emotions. Hey, we got some self control going on, and we can now begin to dance because we have overcome that which was previously overcoming us! This brings us to the final stage of dealing with our emotional responses, we need to let it go. We need to be free of that emotional stuckness, who wants to be in a self imposed prison?

      Time to let it go! If you feel that someone else has caused you the frustration or the hurt, you need to accept the fact that nobody is perfect, we all make mistakes. In order to LOVE you need to be able to forgive others, forgiveness is a prerequisite to love. Besides at this point, it’s not the other person carrying the pain around, it is you. It’s your pain, you are it’s owner. Forgiveness will set you free of your own luggage. How do you really know when you have forgiven? You have forgiven when you are no longer talking about the thing or person that you feel caused you the pain.

      That leaves us with fear, we are all human and we all have had unhealthy fear experiences in our lives. Those fears have adhered themselves at a level below our conscious awareness. Initially, rather than allowing the fear to take control of you, feel the fear and let it pass through. Repeat this for future brain access, feel the fear and let it pass through. In fear you will have the feeling of apprehension, increased heart rate, and then the behavioral response to fear, which is usually fight or flight. Disconnect the components of fear, resist the behavioral response to fear. Don’t let it rule you, let it pass through you. Allowing fear to take root inside you may allow doubt, worry, anxiety, stress, confusion, and even depression to set up camp within you. Avoid allowing those things to take up residence in your head or in your heart. Learn to let your negative emotions take you where you want to go, not where they want to take you. Persistence plus fear equals courage. Process your pain in a method that will work for you.

      There is no fear in love (dread does not exist) but full-grown (complete) love turns fear out of doors and expels every trace of terror! For fear brings with it the thought of punishment, and (so) he who is afraid has not reached the full maturity of love (is not yet grown into love’s complete perfection). —1 John 4:18

      Patience is better than strength. Controlling your temper is better than capturing a city. —Proverbs 16:32

      Use your head, control your emotions, do not allow your emotions to control you.


      Topics: Emotions Anger Stress | 13 Comments »

      After reading the love article, do you feel that you have personally benefited by the insight? Do you think you have benefited by a value of at least $5 dollars? It does cost money to run this web site, your gifts of gratitude would be greatly appreciated. Give until it feels good, Thank you for being a blessing!

      13 Responses to “Understanding Anger, Controlling Anger & Emotional Responses”

      1. PJJ Says:
        June 2nd, 2008 at 8:43 pm

        Hey, Good Lookin’ ~ This is good stuff! Give yourself a big pat on the back and huge hug from me!
        I predict a very successful future for this website!!
        Love you ~ and the photo ~ hmmmmm ~ those glasses look familiar…… (grin)

      2. Falodun Benjamin Adekunle Says:
        June 3rd, 2008 at 10:29 am

        Dear Sir, today is another day in my life and a new eye has opened in me. I never knew that such things like this could come my way, although I am not an angry person, but I had been looking for ways by which to help people who are easily angered. I pray that God in His mercy will continue to guard you in Jesus Name. Thank you.

      3. Funmi Says:
        June 6th, 2008 at 6:49 am

        Hi, this write-up touches an area I’ve been having challenges with, thanks. I am not an angry person, but little things trigger my anger and I end transferring it to everyone around me at that point in time. Please keep them coming! God bless you.

      4. Angel Says:
        June 9th, 2008 at 5:48 am

        Hi, ya it is true, I am really anger person, I cannot control my anger and emotions. But now a days for people I am controlling it. Please pray for my good life and wonderful future. bye god bless u all……

      5. Karen Says:
        June 13th, 2008 at 12:15 pm

        This is all true what you say and; you make it sound oh, so simple. If only it were! When a person is in a relationship where you are pushed to the limit and; beyond, how does one control these emotions? It feels as though I am always having to be quiet, shut-up and; kiss butt! I try to come from a place of love, but it just seems to backfire and; I am taken advantage of, on an emotional level, and it gets tiring! I guess that is the point I am now at…TIRED! It is sound advice for many people, so keep up the good words.

        Re: If you are in a physically abusive relationship you should seek safe refuge and assistance. If you are not, then I would like to ask you why you are allowing yourself to be taken advantage of? Is it hurt, frustration, or fear that is controlling you? What is making you to be quiet? What is preventing you from voicing your opinions in a healthy mature manner?

      6. Kennedy Says:
        September 15th, 2008 at 2:36 am

        Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm! I’ve been killing myself slowly all these years. Anger has been my drinking water all these years. After reading this, I think IF I have to let my emotions control my affairs, then I am done with life. Thank you very much.

        Response: You have come to that realization , you are now blessed with a refreshing outlook.

      7. Stephanie Says:
        December 18th, 2008 at 9:11 am

        Just wanted to say that I work with children ages 11-17 and we talk a lot about their anger. This information was helpful to think of more ideas for my clients and understanding their anger. Thanks.

      8. jenelyn r. Says:
        May 10th, 2009 at 7:25 pm

        this site is very helpful for a person like me maybe I’m too young I always get easily angry when things get wrong. thank you sir because now i know i can manage my temper wisely ๐Ÿ™‚ i got lot of ideas

      9. linda Says:
        June 19th, 2009 at 4:05 am

        Hi, thanks for this inspirational words. i am the kind that easily get angry, mostly about the selfish behavior about others. i now have the knowledge about how to deal with this. may Jehovah bless you all.

      10. Okonkwo Chijioke kelvin Says:
        January 6th, 2011 at 1:06 am

        This publication is great! It explicitly analyzed factors responsible for over reaction to matters of the mind. It as well provides aid for Moral Speakers. Nevertheless, i am of a personality that gets easily offended and also forgives easily. My problem is that i find it more difficult to forgive women than men right from childhood as a result of a trauma I experienced in a woman’s hand. Advise me.

        Forgiveness is a process, and Forgiveness will set you free from your own pain bondage
        Forgiving someone is not something you do for them, itโ€™s for you, you are the one who benefits from forgiveness. How do you really know when you have forgiven? You have forgiven when you are no longer talking about the thing or person that you feel caused you the pain.

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