Does being forgiven mean that you can continue going around causing harm and being mean to other people? Absolutely NOT! Forgiveness is not a get out of jail free card, besides if you want to walk in love you would not want to hurt others. So try to be more thoughtful with your words and actions before you say or do them. Then when you do make a mistake or cause someone else pain, ask them for their forgiveness and then back it up with your actions. Forgiveness requires not only confession, but repentance. Many people confess and say I am sorry, but then they continue treating people the same way, they make no efforts to improve themselves, their words are meaningless. To mend a hurt you have caused, you must realize it will take a little time, as well as some proven effort to show meaningful intent, (restitution). I’m sorry is a temporary band aid until restitution has provided healing. Forgiveness is granted contingent upon sincere repentance.
Many people go around hurting other people because they have not forgiven past pains. They have allowed bitterness to take root into their hearts and they lash out at people who have done them no wrong. Others continue to hold grudges for pains that are due to their own misguided thoughts, expectations, or because they are unwilling to take ownership of their own mistakes. Sometimes people cause their own pain when they have unrealistic expectations of other people and those other people fail to meet their expectations. Bitterness is not a positive character attribute.
A major key to your relationships success is knowing that neither of you are perfect, you are both going to make mistakes, you are both going to hurt each other, and therefore you will need to forgive one anothers imperfections. Much of the time people react in adverse manners to the pain that they feel others have caused them, they get bitter instead of getting better. They want those who they feel hurt them to pain. The problem is that the only one it hurts is the one who does not forgive. Unforgiveness is like taking poison and then hoping that the other guy will die. “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us”. Forgiveness is an act, it is not an emotion, it has nothing to do with your emotions. You may feel the pain from what that person did to you until the day you die, it has nothing to do with forgiveness. Forgiving does not erase your memory.
If you truly love someone then you will forgive them out of your love for them, love is sacrificial. I Love You is an outward expression. Forgiveness is when you say; “I forgive you, I will never speak of it again, to you or to anyone else”. Forgiveness has more to do with your tongue than your head or your heart. If you’re still talking about it, you have not forgiven it, you need to let it go.
If you feel that someone else has caused you frustration or the hurt, you need to accept the fact that nobody is perfect, we all make mistakes. In order to LOVE you need to be able to forgive others, as well as yourself, forgiveness is a prerequisite to love. Besides, it’s not anyone else carrying your pain around, it is you. It’s your pain, you are it’s owner. Forgiveness will set you free of your own pain bondage. Forgiving someone is not something you do for them, it’s for you, you are the one who benefits from forgiveness. How do you really know when you have forgiven? You have forgiven when you are no longer talking about the thing or person that you feel caused you the pain.
You can begin the forgiving process right now, first take a couple of breaths and relax. Now close your eyes and think of the person you need to forgive. Lift your hand up to God as if you have that person in your hand, open your hand and say; ” I forgive _________, (speak their name), in Jesus name. When you open your hand you are releasing them and giving that pain to God. Feel that pain leaving you as you open your hand and forgive them. Should that pain or hurt, (that you feel that they have caused you), come up at any time in the future, or thoughts of that person that is associated to your pain in any way, repeat this forgiveness process.
Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you have against one another. Colossians 3:13
To maintain happy relationships, seek to integrate this Relationship Love Advice into your loving efforts.
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