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      Top 3 Reasons For Marriage Conflicts Problems & Failures

      By Guide

      Me, Myself, and I ! Those are the top 3 reasons for most marriage issues, problems, conflicts, and failures. Both partners of the relationship need to be on the lookout for their own self-centeredness. Couples tend to become too familiar with their companion, they loose appreciation, and they begin to focus more on their own needs than on their mates needs.

      I Love You, An Outward Expression

      We fall in love by the way someone touches our heart, by the things they do and say. We then follow that up with saying, "I Love You". In reality, it’s more like "you love what they do for you", or "how they make you feel". It’s the love that they are expressing towards you that you are feeling, and that’s a wonderful thing, to be loved. But love is not a one way street.

      So many times though love gets clogged up in the pains and hurts in life. And sometimes we get so stuck in our own emotions, in our own wants and desires that we forget what it means to love. We forget that love is something we
      outwardly express by our words and actions towards others, it’s not all about how much love we can consume for ourselves, that’s not love, that’s selfishness. People tend to blame their poor relationships on incompatibility, that’s not
      an accurate reference point. The truth is that conflicts are a result of selfishness and stubbornness, that’s what is prevailing in most troubled relationships. Many people today are so focused on what they want that their relationships starve, conflicts arise, and strife fills their homes. If you choose to sow seeds of love into others, you will find that you will receive love as well. Have an otherness mindset.

      Everyone needs love, and other than God, we can not get all our emotional needs met by one single source. This is NOT to say that anyone should cheat on their spouses! Love comes in many forms, you can be loved by your family and your friends. You are built to have relationships and you need to have some healthy relationships with people other than your spouse.

      If you really love someone and want to resolve issues you will first humble yourself, out of love, and take the initial step. Conflicts are seldomly resolved accidentally, they have to be intentionally dealt with. Where there is conflict there is guilt, where there’s guilt there is fear, and perfect love casts out fear.

      Start by making sure that  you are seeing the problem correctly, inwardly analyze and outwardly pray for guidance. You may find that there are issues that are within you that you need to take ownership of and accept. Don’t let your pride get in the way of your love. Then look for a good time where you can meet together in peace. When you convene be truthful about your part of the conflict, do not blame one another. Take the focus off of you and listen for their hurts. Keep in mind that people who are hurt, hurt other people. Emphasize understanding and forgiveness, start with their needs ahead of yours, the relationship itself is more important than the issue. First seek to reconcile and after that you can work on the resolutions to the problems.

      Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. James 1:19

      What leads to strife, discord and feud, and how do conflicts, quarrels and fighting originate among you? The arise from your own selfish and sinful desires that are always at war in side of you. You are jealous and covet what others have… You burn with envy and anger and aren’t able to obtain the gratification you seek, so you fight and war. You don’t have because you don’t ask God. James 4:1-2

      Why do you notice the little piece of dust in your friend’s eye, but you don’t notice the big piece of wood in your own eye? First take the wood out of your own eye. Then you will see clearly to take the dust out of your friend’s eye.
      Matthew 7:3-5

      For the couples that pray together, Only 1 in 10,000 marriages end in divorce.
      But it’s 1 in 2 for those who don’t pray.

      Do you really love your spouse? Are you really showing it? To bring restoration to your marriage start by praying together for God to help you reconcile your differences, to help you bring forgiveness into your marriage and to help you love one another.

      To increase love in your relationships, review and combine these love advice guidelines into your love relationship.


      Topics: Marriage Issues | 10 Comments »

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      10 Responses to “Top 3 Reasons For Marriage Conflicts Problems & Failures”

      1. Annette Says:
        June 1st, 2008 at 8:45 pm

        The above statements is not always true….I was in a marriage for 26 years that I gave everything in my soul to and it still failed… I found that there are some people no matter how good you are to them, they are just too busy loving themselves to return love in the manner it should be.

        -Re: Thank you for your comment, it reiterates why people need to have an otherness mindset in their relationships. I too was once is a relationship where my partner was very selfish, the relationship eventually failed. However, the writing was on the wall in the early stages of the relationship, and I made choices that got myself into that situation. We all make mistakes, sometimes we let our emotions think for our brains. A successful loving relationship is not one sided, both partners need to be looking to meet each others emotional needs, love is not selfish. We can save ourselves a lot of heartache by looking for the right qualities while we are still single. We can choose to close the door on unhealthy relationships before we get to too involved. Sometimes people are just to desperate to find love. When we see selfish character traits, we should be honest with ourselves and move forward before making any rash commitments.

        One other question Annette, if you don’t mind answering, did you pray together?

      2. Gilbert Brown Says:
        June 2nd, 2008 at 2:08 am

        Thanks for this bit of wisdom . I know the truth in it and would love to keep and read daily.

        Thanks again

      3. martin Says:
        June 2nd, 2008 at 7:21 am

        You guys make me crazy by using ‘interesting’ bible quotations.
        It gives me joy a lot. martin

        -Re: Then Martin you should find joy in this one…
        Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; It does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
        1 Corinthians 13:4-7

      4. lydia Says:
        June 5th, 2008 at 2:12 am

        This is my first time in reading your message. i’m so thankful because i learned a lot. i loved in reading bible verses.

        It keeps me more inspired though i have stressful work. It’s my pleasure to read some…thanks again & more power.

      5. p.saraniya Says:
        June 13th, 2008 at 11:41 pm

        I am in love for more than 2 years but you know, I really like him and love him so much, but he says he is often busy with his work and he is doing business. So no time to talk with me too…and I really can’t bear this because in the beginning he was not like this, he was actuallly too caring but as days goes he just stopped thinking me now I think so please kindly help me na.. I dont think maybe am possessive but he too should understand it right ????

        Re: Please read The right man will say I love you with…

      6. ann Says:
        October 14th, 2008 at 6:49 pm

        Just read this article and I thing that I would like to send my dad a copy. These are such wise words of wisdom. I have book marked this page and will return later. I am single and not involved in a relationship at this time. However I think that getting involved in a relationship is like going to school. One has to be prepared, to give and take. So I am taking my period of no relationships to know me better, and to learn how to be a better partner.

      7. sarah Muhhamed Says:
        March 26th, 2009 at 10:47 pm

        i have a boyfriend he is American and im from Iraq i just move to USA 5 years ago. i fall in love with that guy and he want to marry me but my parents they refuse him they say him and they tolded me to brake up with him but i cant i feel i cant live without him so now i have to choice which one i should go with my boyfriend or my parents and my parents tolded me if u go with u boyfriend they i cant come to the house to visit them they are so mad and also they going back to iraq so i cant see anyone of them again and im so tired now i don’t know which one i should choice please help me if anyone could . i really love that guy and i want to be with him he is my destiny i think and he also love me alot some times we talk that we should leave each other beause my parents and he cry infront of me and i do too. we love each other a lot. now i go with him but my parents doesnt know about because they tolded me to brake up with him but i didn’t do it. i lie to them i say i broke up with him but not really. i go with him and i see him but this summer i have to diecide which one i go with and i leave my boyfriend or my parents and im confused.

        Answer: Sarah it does not sound like you are of adult age. Even if you were, nobody could make choices such as this for you. Most parents really do want what is best for their children, and sometimes their children do not realize that. I want to caution you on allowing your emotions to make decisions, emotions are not good at thinking. Also, you will not find your destiny in man, or in a man, you will only find your destiny in God. Seek God out for the answers in your life, he will never lead you astray.

      8. Thompson Says:
        July 24th, 2009 at 5:51 am

        I’ve been with my for lack of a better word at the time, woman for near 4 years we have had problems but I think this may be the end. She has doubted us 4 times now and this time she said we are done, she says “I love you but I’m not in love with you any more, you have not been very emotionaly supporting, when our child was born you where not holding my hand.” and “It’s over.” Thats about the jist of it, so what can I say to her that I already havent. I’m at the end of my rope, and if I go any further I think I’m gonna hang my self with what I say. I want to give her her space to think but I love her so much, I know if i don’t try to contact her which i don’t really that she may start to miss me. you see her parents also have too much influence on her. yes she lives with her mother still her father is dead, shes 19 im 23 and we have had trials with her and my family, right now I’m thinking It’s because she may be moving away, or that her parents don’t want me around any more and shes giving into them and getting rid of me for her and the babys sake. Although she says I can still see my baby she says all this and I really want to keep her, see we are both unemployed but going thru human services to get a place and have stuff for the baby alreay, so what can I do or say to her really?

        Answer: You use the term “woman” for lack of a better term. I would like to suggest to you that you need a better term. It may be possible that the emotional support she really needs is to have some security in your relationship, which would mean, in use of a better term; “my wife”. She may be insecure because she does not have the significant commitment from you that she needs emotionally, (ie marriage). How can she not doubt, when all she is a “woman” to you? She needs to know that she is much more to you. If you really love her, tell her you love her, (in person), and ask her to marry you. One other suggestion, go rent the movie Fireproof, and watch it with her.

      9. anshu Says:
        October 12th, 2009 at 12:35 am

        my boyfriend and my cast is different he is chaudhary and i am goel. this is a reason that my parent is not ready to marriage but i cant live without him. i am very respect of my parent but i am love him a lot. so what can i do please tell me.

        Answer: Actually question, how old are you and have you had intimate relations with him already?

      10. Vanessa Says:
        April 23rd, 2010 at 11:18 am

        I have been married for 20 years, 2 kids and 7 pets later I am finding myself unsatisfied with the way my husband and kids treat me. I have supported my family emotionally, spiritually, physically and financially and at this point I feel like I have nothing left. I too believe that love is a choice not an emotional experience. I have chosen to put their needs above my own my whole life, my own dreams are considered worthless, my own feelings are set aside. I do not believe my marriage is loveless, we are actually all very “tight knit”, the problem is the lack of respect I get. I have done the 5 Love Languages, Understanding and Meeting Your Husbands Sexual Needs, Various how to Date your Spouse books as well as the Fireproof movie. They just don’t see the problem. We have a son that is 17 and over the past few years his behavior and attitude have become quite aggressive and nasty towards me but his father does not see it. I’ll give you an example…I believe in the value of earning what you want, I saved my money and bought a minivan for $5000 last year, my son drives (because we live out of town he has to have something to get him and his brother to school 45 minutes away) the snot out of it, calls it a piece of crap to put it nicely, slams doors etc.. now my van really is a piece of crap and life would be so much better, they think, if we would just buy him a car. The car he wants is $4800 right now. So I, the wife and mother, who did without a vehicle for 17 years (groceries on the bus and 2 kids is quite a feat), gets to keep the van that the kid wrecked and we should buy him a good car. He has bad grades, no job, refuses to do his chores, spits venom at me constantly because I won’t give him his way and is always “in my face”, he cheeses me off, then wants a hug. But they don’t see a problem with it. I have the problem, because I am jealous the kid gets a better car, he says. They both have a lack of respect for me and what I do for them. I am not being selfish, to keep loving them but not wanting to be their doormat? What else can I do? I made all of us go for family counseling, the school is involved with my son due to other issues so it’s not like i haven’t done my part. I am just so exhausted after running around for the house and kids and working 50 hours a week. How can my needs be met, anytime I say anything I am just “complaining”. I am at the point where I could leave because I am so emotionally withdrawn. I am the only one still on my knees, still trying to change things but can’t do it alone. I love God, I love my family but I am out of patience.

        Answer: A real problem in families today is when parents put the children up too high on a pedestal and seek to meet their “wants” and or “desires”, that’s not what parents are for. This can set parents up for more difficult times later on down the road. There is a difference between assisting with needs and enabling the wants. Love does not always say Yes; love says NO as well……and love says you need to learn to be respectful and responsible, and love says there will be consequences if you are not. Sometimes we allow ourselves to be manipulated by the desires of those who are close to us, and sometimes we pay the price. Sometimes you have to stop being the doormat before others will realize that you are NOT a DOORMAT. When appreciation comes, then comes transformation, sometimes people do not learn to appreciate what they had, until they no longer have it. What you get out of a spoiled cow is spoiled milk. Sometimes we just need to tell others; “I hear about your needs all the time, but you never pay attention to mine.” and “Relationship is a two way street, would you like to consider my side?” or When you get done focusing on yourself, perhaps you will then be able to show some maturity. No respect, no responsibilty.. no vehicle;…….. Time to get a J.O.B. When did you become the bank of M.O.M. ?

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